red band society - 5SOS au ☣

seven

after ashton left, i thought about what he said.

maybe i should just save everyone the trouble.

i went back to my room and sat down on the bed.

i pressed on the red button next to my bed to buzz my nurse.

she quickly came rushing in but slowed down when she realized i looked fine.

"that buttons for emergencies lucas." she sighed, crossing her arms.

"i dont wanna do chemo anymore, i change my mind." i mumble, looking down at my fingers.

"what was that?" she says curiously.

i shake my head and look up at her.

"what would you do if you were dying?" i say a little bit louder, changing the sentence.

"i- i dont know.. why are you asking?" she says quietly, taking a seat next to me.

"there's this boy- he said if you push everyone away that no one will get hurt when you die." i mutter, biting my bottom lip and turning to look at her.

"ashton?" she sighs, placing her hand on my shoulder.

"yeah." i mumble, looking down.

"i'm not supposed to tell you this so keep this between us- but he was abandoned, like you. he didn't take it as well as you and it caused him to build this wall. he was given two months to live, four months ago. he's playing hide and seek with death and death is so close to finding him." she says quietly, her eyes starting to water.

"just dont give up on him." she sighs, wiping at her eyes and standing up.

she walks to the door and stops to look back at me.

"you're a good kid- you know what to do." she says softly, a small smile appearing on her face.

after she left, i got up and found ashtons room.

i knocked on the door softly and looked down at the floor.

the door opened slightly and ashton popped his head out.

"what do you want." he sighs, opening the door a little more.

"i wanna talk." i shrug, slipping past him, into the room.

"you can't just waltz in here saying you wanna talk." he groans, sitting down on his bed.

"i can and i did." i chuckle softly.

"whatever. what do you want?" he mumbles.

"i understand- i get it." i say flatly, sitting down at the end of his bed.

"what are you talking about luke?" he mutters, shutting his eyes and laying back on the bed.

"i know how it feels to be abandoned by everyone." i mumble, looking at his blank walls.

"what are you talking about.." he says quietly, biting his bottom lip.

"i know your parents left you. mine did too." i say flatly, looking over at him.

"so? am i supposed to open up to you now and hand you a bucket whenever you need to vomit up blood?" he chuckles dryly.

"no. you need to stop acting like no ones ever been through as much pain as you. your parents left you without so much as a goodbye, my parents were there and then i had to watch them slowly give up on me. i understand ashton, and if you let me in, i'm not going to leave!" i begin to yell and my bottom lip starts shaking and soon i break out into sobs.

"luke- dont- please dont cry.." ashton sighs, wrapping his arm around me.

"please.. just dont push me away.." i sob into his chest, grabbing onto his shirt.

"hey- hey i wont- im sorry.." he says softly, rubbing my back reassuringly.

"promise you wont." i whine, rubbing my nose.

"promise. now stop crying- its okay." ashton sighs quietly, laying me down on the bed.

"im gonna go get us some food- just dont cry and get yourself to overwhelmed." ashton says sadly, standing up and walking towards the door.

"please dont leave." i mumble, reaching my arm out.

"fine but im only staying because you could keel over and die and it would be my fault." he sighs, grabbing onto my hand and crawling into his bed next to me.

he turns to look away but i grab his shoulder and turn him towards me.

"i'm not leaving you. and i never will. i promise." i say quietly, resting my head in the crook of his neck.

"you have to make me one more promise though." ashton says softly, looking down at me.

"what?"

"when i die.. please dont forget me okay?" 

☣☣☣

i almost cried writing this and idk why its early and im emotional