Laura
"Siguro it's time to think about things muna."
It's been two weeks. Miss na miss na miss ko na si Ethan.
What happened?
It was a trip out of town for the birthday of one of his cousins when his relatives asked us again when we'll get hitched.
"We're not sure pa po," Ethan told his aunt, but it was obvious that I stiffened. After that, I was aloof the whole time.
That night, he finally asked, "Ni? What's bugging you? May problem ba? You want to talk about it?"
"Ethan, what if... what if I don't want to get married?"
He looked broken and my heart hurt just seeing him.
"Ethan?"
"You don't want to marry me?"
"Ethan..."
He moved away and again my heart just hurt a little bit more. "Siguro it's time to think about things muna."
I no longer received notes at work or at home and he no longer initiated office hand kisses. The second week, I saw a note on my desk and my heart jumped a little.
Hurriedly opening it, I read his message hopefully.
Hi. I'm taking this week off. Baka lang mag-alala ka. I hope you're okay. I miss you. I just don't know where we stand just yet. - Ethan
I'm focused on work that day but as soon as I was home, I broke down.
Not wanting to stay here, because it held too many memories with Ethan, I called my mother. "Mommy, pwede ba akong umuwi muna?"
That weekend, my mom finally confronted me. "What's wrong? Did you and Ethan break up?"
I shook my head but stopped midway. "I don't know. Sana hindi... but I'm not sure."
"What happened?"
"He wants to get married na."
"And you? You don't want to marry him?"
I was quiet for a little bit. "I want to be with him, Mom. I don't want anyone else."
"Then, what?"
"I'm not sure I believe in marriage? There are so many bad ones and I worry I'm going to be in one of those and Ethan and I will just split or get stuck in a bad marriage."
Mom was quiet for a little while, looking at me. "You know that I will support you in whatever you decide. But... listen lang a bit ha? Marriage has gotten a bad reputation lately and it really isn't for everyone."
"I know that there are many other 'alternative' arrangements and I won't judge but you know that I believe in the union being blessed by the church. As a mom, ang gusto ko lang is as long as Ethan will take care of you and make you happy, okay na ako dun, anak."
She paused again before asking. "So, you want to be with Ethan for the rest of your life?"
"Yes," I teared up. "But, I don't know if he's open to any other set up."
"Then, you have to talk. But what if he wants the paper saying you are married to him? Will you really choose to lose him just because you don't want to sign?"
I needed to talk to Ethan, but for now, I wait.
So I got a piece of paper and started writing,
Hi Boyfriend! I miss you so much. Uwi ka na please? I'm writing you now para hindi ka ma-disturb sa pag-iisip mo.
Sana while thinking about our latest problem, I hope you realize how much I love you and want us for the rest of our lives. Hindi ko pa alam what the solution is. Ang alam ko lang, we promised "walang iwanan" and I intend to keep that.
I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.
Uwi ka na. Kahit wala akong carbonara, basta nandito ka na.
Ethan
Of course, sobrang miss ko na siya.
In those two weeks, I kept writing her kahit na hindi ko pinapadala.
Hi, Nini ko. One day palang and I miss you na.
What did you have for lunch? Namamaga yung mata mo kanina. I hope I'm not the reason you cried.
Hi! Kasabay kita sa elevator kanina and I was so tempted to make our fingers touch, but I stopped myself kasi gulong-gulo pa ako eh.
Aalis muna ako. I need to think. I'm so worried that nakalimutan mo na ako when I get back.
Ang lamig dito! Sana nandito ka. You'd love it here.
Do you still think of me, Laura?
Two weeks... two weeks yung longest namin hindi naguusap. Kaya one week palang, bumigay na ako and sent her a note na aalis muna ako to think.
Kasi, mahal ko siya eh. Sobrang mahal and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. After all this time together, isn't marriage the next logical step?
"Hindi na. Maraming couples who stay together but never marry," Mina suggested.
"Okay... so what happens sa kanila?"
"They live with each other for the rest of their lives! Wala lang papel that says kasal na kayo."
I had to admit. Confusing yung concept.
"It's the same as being married, just without the formalities. But I'm assuming here ha? Malay ko ba kung ayaw lang talaga sayo ni Laura."
Yun eh. I wasn't sure what exactly Laura wanted and I just left without really talking to her. But, I don't regret leaving - I was so confused that I didn't want to stay and just say things that might hurt us both.
Kaya nag-isip nalang muna ako.
It was time to go home. It was something we needed to work out together. Hindi ko pa alam what will happen because I want to get married, but also, I knew that Laura and I were meant to stick together.
If there were two people who could solve this, it was us.
I dialled her number.
"Hello?" She answered, breathlessly. "Ethan? Ethan?"
"Hi, Nini ko."
"Ethan. Where are you? I miss you so much!"
I could tell she was trying not to cry. "I'm sorry pinatagal ko ha? I needed to think kasi."
"No, don't be. I understand. I just... I miss you so much. Come home to me... please? Ethan?"
For the first time in two weeks, I felt like I could breathe.
"Yes, uuwi na ako."
