The Truth Behind Cartoons

Chapter 8: Jem

The incredibly '80s cartoon Jem is set in a world where rival rock bands compete for the top of the chart through various publicity stunts. The Holograms, Misfits and Stingers star in movies, appear in TV interviews and hold countless benefit concerts to ensure that they are always in the public's eye. It's kind of all they do. So Jem was like a prophetic vision of reality TV.

The Nightmare:

So, the bands are constantly trying to undermine each other as they hog the spotlight. So what kind of harmless pranks do they play to try to boost their own record sales? After all, they're just making mischief -- no one is getting hurt, right? Well, there's a bad guy manager named Eric Raymond that hired someone to bomb Starlight Mansion, a f**king home for orphans.

Holy sh*t! Also, he kidnaps at least four people during the show's run, which means his list of felonies approaches Suge Knight levels. But that's just the start.

We actually went through and counted. In Jem's 65-episode run, characters commit 157 serious crimes that should have led to jail time. Yet none of the bands or the evil manager ever do any time in the slammer. There are no legal consequences whatsoever, even though people get hurt and nearly die on dozens of occasions.

By our count, the rival band the Misfits commits 28 acts of reckless endangerment, ranging from driving cars through restaurants to messing with explosives on movie sets. On top of that, there are four incidents of theft, 10 of vandalism and seven of kidnapping, including a time when they put Jem in a fake house and psychologically tortured her in an attempt to discover her identity. And then there was that time when they interrupted Congress...

Somehow, the criminal justice system repeatedly turns a blind eye to this rampant rocker-on-rocker crime and domestic terrorism. And it's all because these musicians and managers have money that can buy their freedom. In fact, Eric Raymond says as much. After getting off scot-free on a kidnapping charge, he gloats, "It's amazing what lawyers can do when you pay them enough." Oh yeah, he says this just moments before assaulting Jem. Truly, truly outrageous.