Chapter 12
ALASKA
"You saved me, it's time for me to save you."
Luke'e words hit me like a bus. How is it that I saved him? I mean, he did open up to me about his past but it's not like he doesn't tell other people about it. He's forced to explain to therapist and other irrelevant people.
You saved me, it's time for me to save you. I couldn't get his statement out of my mind and his strong accent kept replaying like a broken record. I didn't need to me saved. I'm a normal girl with a normal life hence I don't need to be saved.
Yeah right, Alaska. You're far from normal. You're the most dysfunctional person in the world; actually, in the universe! You're never going to be normal. Not in your lifetime, not even beyond death. You're far from extraordinary and never will be.
Out of all the things they've said to me, this might have been the worse. I thought they were on my side, but turns out they weren't. Usually they were my friends, but in the end friendships don't always prosper. I'm tired of living like this. I want to be a normal girl and live my life the fullest. Due to my voices, I barely graduated high school, I can't drive, I have no friends, all my gold fish died, and I have these stupid scars all over my body. I'm sick of it all. I'm only an eighteen year old girl and my life shouldn't be run like it is. Now that I think about it, maybe I am crazy. Maybe there is something wrong with me. Maybe I do need to be saved.
"Are you okay, sunshine? You look a little pale." Luke touched the back of his hand to my forehead.
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine." I assured. But the room was spinning and Luke was becoming blurry the more I looked at him. On top of that, my butt was sore from sitting on the hard floor and I was parched and starving.
Lame. Stupid. Stubborn. Ugly. Disappointing. Your parents hate you. You have no friends.
"Shut up." I whispered. My teeth clenched together and my blood boiled.
The world hates you. You have no reason to even be here.
"Shut up!" I ordered. My voice raised and out of the corner of my eye Luke was wearing a strait face. He didn't say anything to me, and I assumed he knew exactly what was going on. He caressed the back of my hand with his thumb in attempt to calm me down, but it didn't work. I couldn't stand it anymore. As much as I tried drowning the voices in my fucked up mind, they seemed to keep swimming to the surface and yelling for me.
Worthless. You're here in this nut house for a reason.
"Tell them to go away, Alaska. Tell them."
"Go away!" I yelled. The tears were streaming down my face now like a waterfall.
Look at Luke. He's so gorgeous! I wonder what a gorgeous boy like him is doing with an ugly girl like you. You know, Alaska, he doesn't even like you. All the kisses he delivers are full of pity! Don't get your hopes up, Alaska. Luke will never like you. Never.
"Go away." I whispered.
And for the first time ever, they did.
However, I couldn't help but ponder over what they had told me about Luke. Was he with me out of pity? No. He's just like me, I thought. He can't feel pity towards me when he should feel it towards himself, right? But Luke's getting better and I'm stuck in this place for good. Luke doesn't need me. Luke doesn't like me. When Luke is better, he'll leave this place behind and forget about me, and that time is coming soon. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck! They were right. They were completely and utterly right. Luke is bored and being a boy, he probably wants some action. Well, I don't want to be his doll he plays with. I don't want to be a joke to Luke, I actually want to mean something because he means the world to me. It's odd to be so head over heals with someone when you barely know them, but Luke is my only source of sanity in this hell hole.
After all, he is my neverland.
"Luke?" I inquired, my voice full with tears. "You're not just using me because you're bored right? Not out of pity, just out of your heart, right?"
He kissed my temple. "Don't listen to what they say, Alaska. I like you for you, because you're different. Don't let them control you, but simply control yourself."
And I believed him.
...
I lost track of the time, but the large metal door swung open to reveal some random guy, most likely a worker or part of security, telling us we were free to go. I was excited to be out of the cell. My butt hurt like hell and I couldn't wait to sit on something soft. Luke and I parted once we got out. He had an appointment with Doctor Demarco and I decided to find Amethyst, hoping that she wasn't still mad at me for talking to Luke.
"Amethyst!" I called to her. She was in the multipurpose room watching whatever program was on television and chatting with some girls. I examined the girls and noticed that there were three of them. One was a girl no older than fifteen and she had burns covering her whole body head to toe. All of the hair on her body was gone, including her eyebrows, but yet she still wore a smile. The second girl was tall, most likely in her late twenties, and had dark skin and plump lips. She was wearing a scowl on her face and I assumed she wasn't the most happy camper. The last girl was smirking at me and she was giving me the creeps. Her jumper wasn't fully on and she wore it only as pants and had the arms tied around her waste. Se had bleach blond hair and long lips and under her eyes were black bags.
"Amethyst." I said again, this time a whisper.
"Alaska!" She piped up with a cheery voice. I guess she's not mad anymore. "These are my friends, Penny, Michelle, and Sam. Penny, Michelle, Sam, this is Alaska. She's new here."
They all greeted me hello, except for Sam. She just sat there, looking at me.
"What's your problem?" I spat at her.
"She don't talk." Michelle explained. "Cut her own tongue out."
Well, shit.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't know." I told Sam. She smiled at me and pat the seat next to her for me to sit.
I sat down and my butt felt like it was in heaven.
"Is it true you spent twenty four hours with Luke in the cell?" Penny asked me. "He's so dreamy."
I laughed at her. She was smiling ear to ear but still I wondered how she got the burns.
"How'd you get those burns?" The question came out faster than I intended, not that I intended to ask anyways.
"I was twelve and I wasn't proud of who I was so my friends told me if I lit myself on fire I would become a new person. They were right!" She smiled and didn't seem to have a problem with answering. I wonder if her friends were like the voices in my head. I assumed they were because friends wouldn't tell a friend to burn into a new person.
"Yeah, I spent a day with Luke." I shrugged and answered her, ignoring what she had told me.
"Are you two like, in love?" It was then when I noticed Penny had an American accent like myself.
"I guess you could say that."
A/N: helloooooooooo :) next chapter in Luke's pov ;)
This story is inspired by the book Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen (there's also a movie) and American Horror Story - Asylum. If you like this book, you should check those out :)
Also, Alaska is played my Tiassa Farmiga holla for a dolla I love her
Okay, have a wicked week!!!
Love you all,
Sam
