“This is not what it is only baby scars; I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side.”
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
People.
People will stomp all over the shattered remains of your perishing heart. They’ll point their fingers at you and make you feel like you were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. They’ll make you cringe within your own skin. They’ll plough a seed of self-loathing deep into your impoverished souls so you can bring yourself apart, one little piece by piece. People don’t understand.
They will mock the food you nourish your demons with. They will jibe at you for bleeding onto the paper sheets. They will hurl insults at you and abuse you till you feel ashamed of the reflection staring back at you. They will look down upon your dreams and ambitions and hopes.
Ruthlessly, they rub a collapsing diamond with harsh sandpaper. Mercilessly, taunting the dilute, inky tears that pour out of a writer’s weapon.
A tear slipped down my cheek.
People will break you down and disappoint you, I get that and I’m okay with that. But, what happens when you wake up to find out that maybe you’re the disappointment?
I was that disappointment.
I was in love. Spaced and muted sobs broke free as I pressed the leaden tip of a pencil onto the soft paper. My unkempt hair dangled loosely over my forehead as I focused onto what I was writing through my tear-stained vision. Occasionally, a teardrop would fall and dissolve the ink and blotch the whitened sheets.
When you love someone, you give them power. Power to control and destroy you. So don’t fall in love, there’s just too much to lose. It hurts to see the people you love walk away without ever giving you a second glance. It hurts to watch them let go and move on, when you’re stuck living in the past, desperately trying to hold onto memories that mean nothing to them. It hurts…
I concentrated on the words inscribed in black ink, before me.
“Ali,
I hope you’re fine and healthy. Don’t say that, you never did anything wrong. I miss you and I love you, come back to me in one piece. I can’t blame you. Yes, I cried but I’ve cleared up a lot since you left. You moved away and truth be told, you took a huge part of me with you.
You don’t have to apologize over and over again for something that was completely out of your hands. I would’ve forgiven you without batting an eyelash. You mean the world to me, take care of yourself. I love you with every last bit of strength left in my heart.
-Safiya”
Liar. Cheat. Hypocrite.
****
The smell of freshly crushed mocha beans invaded as the heat faltered in the old, crumbling rack we called “home”. Time elapsed as I sipped the creamy liquid that somewhat eased my frantic thoughts. Life was dull and every breath dragged through the course days and silken nights. The hollow depths within me screeched open, day and day as I painted smiles and mustered up fake courage to move on.
The tumbling papers were stiff as their edges crinkled with firm lines due to my recklessness. I reminded myself, “Another day”.
My skin had visibly paled and aged and my hair had lost volume. My eyes sagged and shoulders slumped, as I tried to find magic. Over and over, I flipped through the pages in hopelessness.
YOU ARE READING
Redemption
Novela Juvenil"On Tuesdays I hate the world, I want to burn things down. I want to wipe off every single trace of human existence. Is it weird? Does it ever happen to you? Don't you ever want to track down every single person who has underestimated you and spit o...
