Evermore, Nevermore Forget Me Not

Evermore Guilt

*Your Love is with me now: Ashlee Hewitt-2010*

*Evermore-Always*

Setting: 2013; before Missy's son is born...

"I'm scared Bay," Missy whispers to her still unconscious older sister, "I ain't ready ta be a mom."

     Missy has finally worked up the courage to see her sister for the first time in years; it's been twenty four years now since the accident that put Bailey in the comatose state...

"How can I be?" Missy asks breaking down into tears, "I ain't Mom; I ain't you...I can't cook like MeeMaw..."

"..." only the sound of the monitors respond to her

"I just feel so, so guilty," she sobs, "I'm the one that should be lying in that bed unconscious right now," she sniffles, "not you..." she cries harder, "that car shoulda hit me...it should've been me..." she heaves, then whispers, "it ain't fair...IT AIN'T FAIR!"

     Missy clutches at her sister's bed sheets as cries into them, her heart heavy and aching with as much pain as it is wracked with the guilt she's felt and trying shove aside and ignore since the day it first started. The feeling only got worse when her father died as wells will only grow worse whenever she lets herself feel even the slightest bit of happiness and so, she would destroy it with self destructive behavior and decisions. All she desperately wanted right then; in that instant, was to feel her older sister's hand soothingly running its fingers through her hair while she told her that everything is going to be alright. Give her words of encouragement and reassurance like she always use to; she wanted so desperately to go back in time and stop her younger self from asking for Bailey to play with the ball with her, but she knows that's impossible. She must have gone over how she could've said or done something different that day to prevent the events from happening a dozen or more time over in her head throughout the years, but it still didn't change the fact that she's couldn't do anything about it now.

"We all miss ya," she sobs out, "you have no idea how much Y'all've missed out on over the past twenty four years Bay," she sniffles, "I know I should've visited ya a lot sooner, but-" she says all chocked up, "I-I just c-couldn't stand ta see ya all lifeless like this..."

"..." more beeps

"B-but I-I promise," she stutters out as she continues to sob, "I'm gonna," she sniffles and sighs, "I'm gonna visit as often as I can from now on."

The sound of the beeps suddenly change causing Missy to look up, over at the monitors; she didn't have a clue how they worked, but she knew that something was definitely wrong. Missy hurries up from her seat as quickly as she can with her swollen stomach and does her best to run over to the door...

"NURSE!" She practically screams, "SOMETHINGS WRONG!"

The nurse runs into the room and quickly pages doctors and other nurses before turning to Missy and calmly explaining what's going on as they amputate Bailey. They do this multiple times to her unconscious body before she has the same steady beeping noise on the monitors as before and is considered stable. Missy lets out a quiet sigh of relief as all the nurses and doctors leave the room again while she falls back into the seat with a bit of a slump. Bailey flatlining really scared Missy; in the past twenty four years Bailey has been in the coma, she has always been stable and the doctors had never called to report anything similar to this happening to her before. Missy sits, debating if she should tell her mother what happened during her visit, even though she hadn't originally planned on telling anyone about her visit...

"Y'all can't scare me like that Bay," Missy sighs out

"..." only beeps

"Ya most certainly can't go dyin on us neither," she adds in, "Mom would keel over on the spot; don't think MeeMaw could handle...doubt Georgie and I could handle it either."

"..." just beeps

"I don't think there's gonna be prince ta come wake ya up neither," Missy sighs again, "this ain't no 'Sleeping Beauty,' fairytale after all...that shit don't happen in real life."

"..." beeps

"I know Georgie comes 'ere and tells ya stuff," she says quietly, "he's gettin better since Sky passed; y'all should see 'im with little Georgina-Erika's little girl-y'all'd think 'e was 'er own father the way he interacts with 'er, and not 'er Godfather...she's bout three now, we all just call 'er Gina though-"

"Visiting hours are almost over Ms," a nurse pops in to say

"Thank ya," Missy says before they leave her alone with her sister, "..." she quiet a moment, "I told ya bout Wesley a little earlier...things are okay between us-I guess," she says sounding not quite so sure, "I haven't really told 'im bout ya...and I ain't sure if I should..."

"..." beeps

"I wish we were little again," she whispers quietly, "so ya could braid my hair...watch ALF with me, and just-be here."

"..." beeps

"It really ain't fair," she sighs out again, "I'd honestly trade places with ya if I could-"

"..." she goes quiet for a moment and just listens to the beeps, thinking she heard another change or skip or something in them, but finds that she is wrong

"...I don't I'm ever gonna stop feelin guilty," she says letting out the air she had been holding in, "her actually the first-the only person-I've actually told that I feel like this..."

"Visiting hours are now over," a nurse says popping their head into the room

"Thank ya," Missy replies simply, "I'll be headin out now."

"..." the nurse leaves

"Please wake up soon Bay," Missy begs quietly as she slow and carefully gets up, "cause mom won't let ya go dyin on us...we need ya too much-I guess..."

     Missy walks quietly to her car, shedding silent tears along the way; it's when she starts her car that she completely breaks down crying and turns the car off again as she cries hysterically, still feeling racked with the guilt that always seemed to haunt her and never seemed to go away...