Glamour

Chapter 8 - Rocky Road

***No proof reading.

***Not edited.

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Shravan gently pushed Suman down on the couch. Her hands found purchase in his thick, jet black hair. His mouth left hers, tracing her jawline with butterfly kisses and then softly nipping her earlobe. Suman moaned, pulling him close. He was going to pull her dress's zipper down when a rush of panic and guilt hit Suman. What was she doing?

Suman pulled away with a jerk and pushed against Shravan's chest. He didn't budge, not even an inch. He was confused as to what she was trying to do.

"Get away! Get away from me!"

Shravan's blurry state of mind became clear again and he slowly pushed himself off of her. He settled down on the couch at the far end, running his hands through his hair.

"I am sorry Suman. I don't know how I... I'm sorry I didn't think straight. I just got carried away. I'm really sorry if I scared you. I didn't mean it at all. It's just that... if you want to take it slow then-"

"No!"

Suman looked straight at him; a drop of sweat trickling down the side of her face. The look in her eyes bemused Shravan. His gut clenched and a shiver went down his spine.

"No what?"

Suman stammered as she desperately tried to find the right words.

"I don't want to. Ever."

Shravan dreaded he was going to hear something he didn't want to.

"What do you mean?"

His voice low and rough. He gently rubbed her cheek but she shoved off his hand. When she looked back at him; he felt like the most loathed person in her life.

"I don't want to do anything with you. Just... just go away. Leave me alone! Why do you have to mess up my life? What did I ever do to you? You are just my co-actor so let it be like that, ok? You can't just barge into my life and claim me like I am yours. Because I'm not. So, if you don't want me to hate you then please stop doing what you do and leave me alone for heaven's sake."

She pushed herself up and stepped away from the couch. Shravan didn't move. His hands fell into his lap. He stared down at them unblinkingly, slightly trembling.

He couldn't speak. He was still processing in his head what was going on. Just minutes ago, they were in each other's arms, their bodies burning with desire. And in a trice, all of it burned to ashes. He rubbed his jaw.

"Please leave."

Suman's voice seemed to trigger him. He cautiously approached her. He always thought that 'baby steps' always had an undeniable efficacious effect. He tried to decipher her emotions but he just found her glaring into space. Maybe she had an invisible friend to play the stare game with. Not that he cared, apart from the fact that her face was devoid of any emotions.

And that hurt. That hurt a lot. It was history repeating itself. And he didn't like the slightest bit of it.

With a pinch of hope left in him, he managed to speak the only words he could.

"So that's how it is?"

Suman didn't feel the need to face him.

"Yes. That's it."

Shravan stayed silent. Her tone was unusual, yes. But he couldn't tell how she was feeling. She had completely shut him off.

He didn't say a word. He just picked up his suit and walked out the door.

***

Suman stared at his retreating back. He didn't even turn around once. He didn't plead her once. He didn't ask her to say that she didn't mean what she said. To take back what she said. He didn't stay back. He didn't want her anymore. Maybe she was right all along. Maybe he was just playing with her emotions. And maybe it was for the best. Maybe this was what she wanted. It was good for both of them to be apart.

***

Shravan turned off the engine and stepped out of the car. He closed his eyes as the crisp air touched his face. But it couldn't bring down the storm raging inside him. He took a deep breath looking into the darkness. He was furious on himself, furious on her and at the same time he felt wretched. He knew he wanted her. But was it a mere infatuation or something else? Something more? He didn't know. He should have known she had insecurities. Of course she would. She just got out of a failed marriage and left a cheating husband. He had his own insecurities too. But that didn't stop him from wanting her. He didn't know what he would do without her. He had admired her since a long time. And the past days were pure bliss. He had no idea how things would turn out. But he was hopeful. For what, he didn't know. But he was going with the flow until tonight.

Maybe he made a wrong move?

Maybe he scared her off?

He didn't know why she reacted that way and if it was entirely his fault but he had to fix things. But that wasn't possible if she wasn't willing to do the same.

***

Sobs wracked her body and a sudden urge to vomit hit Suman. She ran to the sink and puked. As she cleaned her mouth and looked at her reflection in the mirror, she felt too weak and drained. Both mentally and physically. She knew he was hurt too. But she had to protect herself, whatever the cost may be.

She dragged herself to bed. She was tired but sleep was far away. She twiddled her thumbs, leaning back on the headboard. She shouldn't have let things go so far. She should have stopped before this mess happened. She should have controlled herself. But she couldn't. She was always in control of what happened in her life. She was wise and calculative with her decisions and she wasn't quite wrong usually in the end. But now things were different. Even her shrewd thoughts or gut feelings couldn't prevent herself from marrying a jerk or befriending a backstabber. Suddenly all her plans and precautions seemed lame and pointless. Her fate seemed to have other plans. And with Shravan, she even lost the control she had over herself. It pissed her off more than anything else. When he was around, she felt drawn to him with a striking force. And she couldn't but let him in and sweep her off her feet.

Suman sighed, squeezing her eyes shut. Well, if she looked at the positive side, things weren't exactly out of control. She could handle this. She knew she had to.

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