In My Veins

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

“Will leave you in the morning”

            “Detective Esposito, I’m sure you’re wondering why I called you in here,” Victoria Gates inquired when the detective got to her office.

            “Yes Captain,” the Hispanic man agreed. Truth be told, he was still a little distracted by what had just happened with Lanie. After he got the call from Gates he apologized profusely for having to leave. Lanie kissed him goodbye after he got dressed and they just stood there for a minute in silence.

            “Are you sure about this?” Lanie asked.

            “Going to see Gates? No, but I would have to eventually anyways.”

            “That’s not what I meant.” Esposito knew that wasn’t what she meant but he wasn’t about to take the leap here. He had told her how he felt; the cards were in her deck now. “I meant about us.”

            “I’m sure about it,” Esposito answered honestly, “but are you? I need you to answer this Lanie, if we were to have another “hot night” would you leave me in the morning?”

            “No I don’t think I would.”

            “Detective,” Gates snapped bringing Espo back to the present, “are you currently with us?”

            “Sorry Sir. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

            “I wanted to talk about your suspension. It seems I may have overlooked some things. I incorrectly suspended you Detective. I expect you back at work tomorrow.”

            Trust Gates not to sugar coat anything or mar her stern words with apologies. Esposito wasn’t sure exactly how he felt about all this. He almost saw Gates as the enemy; she had suspended him for following Beckett’s orders and now she wanted him back just like that. On the other hand, it was his job and he really did want it back.

            “I’ll be in at the usual time tomorrow morning Sir,” he said curtly.

            “I suppose you will,” the Captain replied, “Now go enjoy your last day off.”

~O.o.O.o.O~

            “Hello Mr. Castle,” Dr. Burke said, extending his hand out to shake the writer’s, “it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

            “You as well,” the writer replied with a nod of his head. He was a little hesitant when Kate first asked him to go with her but how could he say no when she wanted him to so badly.

            “Kate,” Castle called out when he woke up to find the spot next to him empty. He wondered if she had just gotten up and left but then he noticed that his bathroom light was on. As he got closer to the door he started hearing some muffled sobs being covered up by running water. “Kate, are you okay?” When he opened up the door she was sitting on the edge of his tub, wiping her eyes, trying to cover up the fact that she had been crying.

            “I’m fine Castle,” she responded a little too quickly. He knew her far too well to believe that.

            Sitting next to her, he brought her into his arms and squeezed tight. “Come on Kate, I know you better than that. What’s wrong?”

            “Everything is just so messed up Rick. I’ve put my life on hold for the past thirteen years. I’ve let something I cannot change determine who I am. I’ve hurt you over and over again because ‘I haven’t been ready’. I know you know that I heard you in the cemetery. I don’t know how you figured it out but you know I lied. I am so unbelievably sorry for that and I wish I could change it but I can’t. I never intended to hurt you; I need you to know that. I was drowning in everything that had happened; I found out my mentor and friend had been involved with the conspiracy behind my mother’s murder and then he was killed. I had just been shot Castle. Just when things couldn’t get any more complicated, you told me you love me. Your words made me fight for my life but when I woke up in that hospital I didn’t know how to deal with them. I wasn’t even sure if they were real; a part of me thought that maybe I had just conjured them up in my life altering, agonizing pained state. After that summer I started seeing a therapist all the time because I couldn’t deal with it all on my own anymore. I needed to be better, for myself, for you, and for us. I started getting better thanks to Dr. Burke but it still wasn’t enough. I wanted to tell you how much I love you and that I heard everything but I was still afraid. There were a couple times I let my guard down though. When I rescued you from that bank I would have kissed you right then and there if your mother hadn’t have interrupted. Then the bombing at the protest rally happened and I realized I didn’t want to wait anymore. I was going to tell you how I felt but...”

            “That’s when I started pulling away,” Castle filled in. “I am so sorry I did Kate, it’s just, during that case is when I heard you tell Bobby in the box that you remembered everything. I should have just confronted you about it but instead I just assumed that you didn’t feel the same way about me that I feel about you. I realize how wrong I was now.”

            Kate brushed her fingertips along his cheek bones and jaw line and gave a small sigh. “We really suck at this communication thing don’t we?”

            “A little,” he laughed, “but we can fix that, with time.”

            “I think I may have something else that might help too. Will you come see Dr. Burke with me?”

             “So what can I do for you two today?” the doctor asked the couple.

            “Um, I , uh,” the usually eloquent writer struggled to get out. He wasn’t really sure what he was supposed to say.

            “Do either of you have any concerns?” Burke was curious to hear Richard Castle’s side of things.

            Castle opened his mouth to say something but shut it again before looking over to Kate. She gave him a “go ahead” motion and a reassuring smile. “Well we have had some communication issues in the past.”

            “I can help you with that,” Burke told them.