Once upon a time there was a brunette babe named Elena.
Her face was beautiful so every fucking guy in her hometown wanted to get into her pants.
Even the local pasty white boy named Matt Donovan managed to get into her pants and after that point Elena Gilbert let anyone have the access into her pants.
But one day she was tired of sex with the pasty quarterback and she decided wtf is life so she goes to a fucking party.
Though she's only in high school Elena managed to sneak some booze into her throat.
When she was drunk and walking along the side of the freeway she found another dude in a straitjacket doing the fucking same.
"LMAO who the fuck you" she screamed and for a second everything between her and this one dude was all perfect.
She scanned his body and she thought damn I wanna lay one on him so fucking bad.
But she felt something she never fucking felt in a whole ass year, she felt fucking shy as this black haired dude secretly stared at her titties in the crack middle of the fucking night.
"I want you to fucking get everything on this planet. I want you to conquer all" He said to her and she laughed along wondering if there were drugs in this cup cause suddenly she fucking forgot all about her pasty quarterback boyfriend who didn't know how to make a woman orgasm.
"I want an orgasm" Elena blurted out and the guy bursted out into laughter.
"Tbh I would do it if you keep asking me but Stefan my brother has been stalking you for 9 months now" He said laughing.
"Steven? Who the fuck is Steven?" Elena laughed along.
Though Elena never once went to fucking school in her goddamn life she can recall that her small ass town doesn't have pedophiles named Steven.
"My brothers name is Stefan" Damon says laughing at her, he looked at her with bafflement that she could be so fucking delirious.
"Are we on drugs?" Elena shouted jumping up and down and Damon started jumping up and down with her.
"Maybe. I never tried drugs before. Is this what it feels like?" Damon says jumping as high as he could.
"What does it feel like" Elena asks as she stops jumping from her stomach cramp.
Sometimes jumping up and down like that can make a bitch tired.
"It feels like I wanna fucking rip your clothes off and eat you out" Damon says as she stops jumping.
"Then why aren't you doing it. I told you I want an orgasm" Elena whines throwing the bottle of bourbon on the concrete.
"Because there's a pre-written rule that my brother has to dip his 1 inch dick into the girls that I love first" Damon says sadly.
"I don't want his fucking 1 inch dick on my vagina" Elena says repulsed
She turned to the right to walk away from Damon but he suddenly grabs her and pulls her back.
"Hey this is assault Mr. And i'm pretty sure withholding sex is a cruel and unusual punishment so right off the fucking bad you broke like the first and second amendment of the constitution" Elena screams in horror.
"No bitch I pulled you back cause you were going to walk into oncoming traffic in the fucking highway. And i'm pretty sure letting you get hit by that wal-mart truck is more of cruel and unusual punishment. But i'm not sure it's the first amendment" Damon firmly speaks in her face.
"Well duh. Anyone demonstrating cruel and unusual punishment being beheaded is the second fucking amendment" Elena says rolling her eyes and Damon throws his head back in laughter.
"Right I knew that. Who's your math tutor. I obviously need brushing up on the subject?" Damon says in realization.
"Some crusty ass 40 year old with a square face and a 24/7 clenched jaw named Sven." Elena says suddenly feeling nauseous.
"Fucking shit I think that's my brother. That sounds rough. No wonder you want an orgasm so bad" Damon says sadly.
"It's no fair. I need some clit stimulation too" Elena says suddenly getting emotional.
"Oh fuck" Damon says making her stop crying suddenly. "What?" Elena asks
If you want to add to this story email me at lilshitdamon@gmail.com or dm at @lilshitdamon on twitter
MAKE IT CRAZY STUPID
