Sillage [Joji Miller]

2

I flipped over for the sixth time in the last four minuets trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. My body was tired but my mind was wide awake, constantly coming up with multiple theories or reasons Melissa would have wanted to come home, rather than stay in Buffallo.

I flipped over onto my back once more and stared up at the ceiling. I turned my head to see the digital clock on my night stand.

3:58 AM

'Fuck.' I thought to myself as I propped myself up on my elbows. I sighed and threw the covers off my warm body and slid my feet to the floor. I stood up and pulled my nightstand drawer open and shuffled things around until I found the small red and white carton with the word Marlboro plastered on the front of it.

I then opened the cart to make sure my lighter was still in the empty slot that I had made.

I shoved the cigarettes into my white sweatpants, and made my way for the door. The hallway was dark but I had gotten use to if over time.

I made my way down the dark wood stairs and to the elevator. I slipped my slightly cold feet into my thick black boots. I pressed the elevator button and slid in while pressing Lobby, I watched as the silver doors shut and quickly descended down towards ground level.

The elevator dinged one last time and the double doors slid open to let me out, I quickly nodded to the lobby clerk who sat behind the desk. I pushed past the exit doors and into the frigid night air, the sounds of car horns and yelling off in the distance filled my eardrums.

I dug in my pocket for the small box and pulled it out. The buzzing of the overhead light seemed louder than usual tonight. I stuck the white stick between my cold lips and lit the tip of it with the lighter until the cigarette burned bright red.

I shoved the cart and lighter back into my pocket as I inhaled my first drag of the night. I slowly walked towards the steps that lead down to the sidewalk, and plopped myself down on the first step.

I released the smoke out through my nose, as it burned the inside of my nostrils. I held the stick between my middle finger and index finger while slightly flicking the ash off the end before sticking it right back between my lips.

"I never took you for a smoker." Retorted a voice from behind me.

I quickly turned my head to see Joji standing behind me about 10 feet away with his own unlit cigarette between his fingers. Panic quickly took hold of my features as realization came back into my mind.

"Uh I-I." I stuttered with my words before he interrupted me.

"Hey chill its fine, I wont tell anyone." He said with a playful smile.

Relief washed over my whole body and mind as I slowly relaxed a bit. Joji's footsteps neared as he walked closer and sat down next to me. He didn't speak at first until he turned his head and observed the dark eye bags that hung under my blue eyes. My constant restless state of being.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked as he pulled his own lighter out and lit the tip of his cigarette.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked back with a sly grin playing at the corners of my lip.

"Yeah I just kept tossing and turning, I never got close to falling asleep." He replied with a similar situation to my own.

We stayed silent again for a few more minuets before a thought crossed my mind for the second time since his and Melissa's arrival.

"Can I ask you something?" I blurted out without thinking, and mentally slapping myself.

"Shoot." He implied for me to keep going.