The Confession: Tragic Harmony

Chapter 5

Sam lit up a cigarrette which glowed red in the dark as it came into contact with the flame of the lighter. He inhaled it with a passion that a sane man would normally reserve for his lover, blew the smoke into the air with a sigh of relief  and then smiled at Roger, who was standing next to him at the back of Sam's condo. ''You know that thing is going to kill you sooner than you'd expect, right?'' said Roger, while Sam exhaled another elongated puff of smoke. ''You may be proctor in the school, but not in this neighbourhood!''. Sam continued to speak after a short puff. ''So how's it going big guy? I heard you've become a celebrity amongst the South County High juniors? Impressing them young ladies with your chess moves eh?'' Roger looked at Sam with a one sided smile and then laughed.

''You sure that's just a cigarrete right?''. 

''Yeah? Why?'' Sam inquired.

''Because you're talking like you just smoked weed''. Sam laughed and offered Roger a cigarrette. Roger politely declined. ''Oh right, you don't smoke, Mr Goody two-shoes'' said Sam as he put back the cigarrete in his zippo. Roger was glancing at the stars in the the urban night and was recounting what he saw in school earlier today. 

''Earth to Roger. Earth to Roger, do you read?'' said Sam, trying to catch Roger's attention. ''What's the matter Mr.Proctor?'' said Sam while waving his hand in front of Roger's face, blocking his view of the stars that illuminated the night sky. ''Hey Sam? Tell me something. Why do you smoke?'' asked Roger, with his eyes still fixated on the great night sky. ''Umm, well, it makes me feel light-headed. It gives me this awesome feeling in my head. It's like the smoke goes inside my skuil and replaces all my worries with a soothing sense of peace. For a moment, it makes me feel as if I am thinking about nothing besides the pleasant sensation hitting my brain, that removes all my worries upon impact.''

''Sounds beautiful''

''It is. You wanna try it?'' replied Sam while reaching out for a cigarrete in his pocket.

''No Sam. That's not my point.'' said Roger. ''What if I tell you that I've felt the exact same thing, but without smoking a cigarette?'' 

''Bullshit. You've started smoking pot with Mark, haven't you?'' 

''What? Hell no Sam. You know I don't do that stuff'' Roger exclaimed. 

''Then?'' Sam asked. 

''The desperate pursuit of peace often leads to people adopt ways like smoking. They know it'll kill them, but the urge of ridding oneself off of his miseries, worries and everyday problems is much greater than the fact that he is killing himself. What is peace? Is fooling ourselves about having no worries till the last puff called peace?'' 

''Dude!'' Sam exlaimed while putting his hands behind is head. ''You really are high!''. Roger smiled. 

''Why not find a way to eliminate all our worries and drown ourselves in the honey heavy dews of peace, while making our life worthing living?'' 

''I don't get you.'' said Sam, as he kicked aside a matchstick that was lying on the ground. 

''We all need somthing in our lives that makes the problems the world throws at us feel insignificant.''

Roger looked down and stared blankly at the ground. Breaking the silence which had now become awkward, Roger looked at Sam and asked ''Hey Sam?'' 

''Yes Roger?'' 

''I'm high''. 

''Wait. WHAT?'' 

''I'm high''

''On what?'' 

''Love'' 

''God dammit Roger. Does that explain all your phlisophical crap about peace?'' 

''I think I've found peace Sam. The peace that won't kill me like your cigarette does'' 

''People are more toxic than cigarettes bro, specially when they don't give a damn about you while you are ready to jump in front of a train for them'' 

''Pfffft. At least it's better than giving yourself lung cancer'' 

Sam smiled, stood up straight and walked a few steps ahead, as if a thought was about to reach his conscience with every pacing step. ''You'll be glad of dying because of lung cancer than dying every single day of your life.'' Sam lights up another cigarrete. ''Be careful out there big guy. You got a lot of life in you. See you later''. 

''Later Sam'' Roger waved Sam good bye while pondering over what Sam said. 

''I guess I'll just have to find that out myself''