It has been a few weeks, and Gundham's mental health as slowly started to deteriorate more. Sure, he was happy, and he had a boyfriend, but he wasn't happy. he was happy with how far he had come, but he want overall happy. he had began smoking more, drinking, doing anything he could to block out the booming voices in his head. His hands were tangled in his hair, tears streaming down his face, blood dripping down his arm. He hasn't purposely made himself bleed, though he had caught himself staring into the bathroom mirror, which, out of pure anger, had smashed. He was slowly breaking. He needed to go. Not on a vacation. but leave. die. He couldn't do it. The pain was too much for him.
He was so, so goddamn lucky to be where he currently was. He was so grateful for Souda, Aiko, having people that care about him. He took it for granted, and now, here he was: sobbing his heart out on the bathroom floor at 5am, wishing he was a child again, wishing his parents loved each other, wishing he didn't take everything for granted.
All of his goddamn life he has tried. He has tried to be a good brother, even take up the Father role for his younger sister. He has tried to be a good boyfriend to Souda.
That's all he wanted. Souda. He wanted to be in the smaller boys arms, being able to tell him how he felt, let all of his emotions flow out of him with the mess or tears.
He decided to call Souda, ignoring the fact that he would most probably be asleep. He needed someone, and he needed them now. He could feel himself tearing apart. he could feel his heart breaking.
The quiet ring of the phone rang through his ears for a few seconds, though a wave of relief washed over his head as he heard a groggy "gundham, baby, it's 5am.." from the other end.
Gundham's voice hitched in his chest, a sob escaping from his lips "come over, please. i can't. it hurts, Souda."
By now, Souda was already throwing on a shirt, since, just from the quiet sobbing, he could tell Gundham needed help. "I'm coming, I'm coming.. just calm down, please."
They both hung up, the crimson blood staining the bathroom floor and Gundham's ash coloured hair, and his skin. His cuts and scars were visible now, since when souda wasn't around he only slept in his underwear, as he had promised the younger boy he was getting better. He felt sick. It's like there was a lump in his throat, stopping him from explaining what was wrong. He wanted to scream, the voices in his head were too much. It was as if someone was yelling into a megaphone inside his head. The voices scared him, yet, he trusted them at the same time.
why?
Though, as he was about to answer that question, the bathroom door opened and Souda walked over to him, pulling him to his chest.
That's all it took for Gundham to be sobbing, biting at the fabric of his boyfriend's shirt, attempting to muffle the obnoxious noises emitting from his pale, chapped lips. "it hurts, souda. it hurts so much.."
"i know baby, i know..." Souda kept rubbing small circles on Gundham's lower back, kissing at his face, mumbling comforting words into his ears. He didn't comment on the blood, or on the bruises, cuts and scars littering his frail body. He knew how hard it was for Gundham, and he understood how much it would take him to get better. "i've got you, baby, i've got you. I'm not letting go.." he whispered into the tall boys ear, kissing his cheek softly.
It didn't take long for Gundham to calm down, the soft scent of oil, yet a mix or strawberry, comforting him. He soon found himself drifting to sleep in Souda's lap, not trying to fight it.
