Letters I Will Never Send You

Mea culpa maxima

I scrawl down the words of condemn upon a sheet of paper, 

For you, it always was, and those words are what I always believed in,

And that blind belief doesn't even seem to waver, 

For all I thought of are my hurt feelings deep within.

You never meant it, you never would have, but it felt as though you actually meant it,

Because you never told me, that it was never going down my way,

Until you did, and through a passionately beating heart, a knife of rejection hit,

Shame, it really is, because a glimpse of your sincere smile, once made my day.

You saw the best of what I can offer, and ignored the hell out of my deal,

Because there's always that flaw in me, or someone or something, much better, much to my chagrin,

You saw the worst of me, and judged me immediately based on what I feel,

Even though I did everything to impress you, you only see me as the most hideous cretin.

Yet I still believed there was something, that, and there was the hope of an innocent child, 

That you'd get over what you see, and cherish what is left of me,

Can anyone ignore a plea that mild?

But damn, people only always see greener grass on the other side, the better part of the bounty.

I apologize for writing this to condemn of rejection, someone as good as you,

For why did I even expect people like you to look beneath your post,

And appreciate something from someone not in league with you,

I just hope there is no love lost.

For this is all my fault, my own most grievous fault,

I thought you loved me back, just because I anticipated people to love me just because I did,

I know I've always known, that nothing else was worse than an ambitious, love-greedy dolt,

I realized that and finally admitted to myself what I did.

But I was never guilty,

For only one thing, guilt to me creeps in,

And that is, very sadly,

Not loving you enough to let you go, and leave you be.