Miss You Dearly

Chapter 4

Sweat dripped down her face, pooling on the floor beneath her. Her arms ached, along with the rest of her. Her breath was heavy, steady, but heavy nonetheless. The floor felt cold as she flopped down onto it. She wanted to be stronger. That's what she needed most, and if pushing herself past her limit is how she had to do it then it's what she intended to do. Wiping the sweat from her forehead with a towel, she stood up from the floor.

Nihlus wouldn't have wanted her to slow down or give up on military life after he died, and she had no intention to. She wanted to kill Saren, she had to be stronger to do that. She had to be strong for Nihlus, no more tears. No more locking herself in her room and crying. She wanted nothing more than to be with him again, but she knew somehow, he was still with her. She trained for him, worked harder for him. She could hear his contempt with her in her head.

After her chat with Garrus about hiding her relationship, she began to think. Think about how much would have changed had they been more open about it. She just wished that she could live that change. Maybe if things were that way, somehow, Nihlus would still be alive. Jane opened up about her relationship to her brother and kept a picture of Nihlus on her workbench, telling anyone who asked about their relationship. She wouldn't hide anymore. She wanted people to know. Even if Nihlus had told her to hide it.

Being more open Nihlus made her feel a lot less heavy, if that was a way to describe it. Jane felt like the weight on her shoulders was being lifted, slowly, but surely. Soon enough, the would be no more weight at all. She longed for the day she could think about Nihlus with a happy heart. At his funeral, she met his family for the first time. They were just as he'd described them. They actually approached her before she even knew who they were, said they smelled her from a distance. His parents had never knew her, never even knew he'd gotten bonded. They didn't believe he'd done it with a human at first, she wanted their approval. Their expressions were so hard for her to read, she wished she knew what they were thinking.

"Do you plan on having the bite removed," his mother asked and she merely shrugged, not the best answer to such a serious question, but she did not know.

Removing the bite would be just like taking the ring off if put into human perspective. She wasn't sure she was ready to, but she knew she was going to have to someday. Just not today, she needed more time to mourn him. She needed to feel close to him, if only for a few more moments.

OOOOOOOOOOO

She stayed in her workout clothes as she made adjustments to the sniper rifle. Garrus' sniper rifle to be specific. She wanted to repay him, for his kindness. He told her that it was something that anyone else would have done, had they known, but the way he did it was different.

Garrus was an ass. He knew he was an ass and she knew he was an ass, but he knew when to be serious and he knew how to make her feel better. He was nothing like Nihlus, aside from the fact that they were the same species, he was all and all a completely different person. Aside from all that, he was there when she needed him most, and she had full intention to compensate him.

The way she best knew to do that, was to work on his favorite gun, the one he loved most. If there was one thing she's good at, it would be working on guns. She held the rifle up a bit, it felt a bit better in her hand, looking through the scope. She could already hear Nihlus voice in her head, "You're holding it wrong." He would say. She couldn't believe she missed that constant nagging. She couldn't believe she missed everything about him. You never know how much you love something, until it's suddenly ripped from you hands.

"You're doing it wrong,"

She nearly jumped out of her skin from the voice that suddenly appeared behind her. She threw her head back and met a face full of blue armor. Tilting her head up to meet his face, she mentally grimaced about how much she hated that almost everyone was taller than her.