save me 구해줘 ∮ MIN YOONGI

four•사

dear diary,

everyday that passes i grow weaker. a need for someone to hold me is somewhere deep within me, and it'll never be satisfied. how could it? who could every want to hold me? i'm me. there is no one to tell me it's okay. no one to wrap their arms around me like a shield from all bad in the world. deep down, i wish someone would break my walls and build some of their own, around just us. walls of steel that could protect us from outside chaos. but no one wants that, no one even enjoys my company.

amy sure doesn't. i gave her the label as best friend, but is she really? does a best friend treat you like this? you're supposed to tell them everything, and amy knows not a single thing of what i'm dealing with. we should be hanging out, but she prefers to be with jarred, even though he's much worse than i am. i think...

my diet isn't going to well either. today i slipped up and had a chocolate bar. an entire fucking chocolate bar. that was probably the most depressing part of today.

on another note, i spoke to the new kid again. i learned his name is min yoongi and he came from a close district. he did most of the talking, i just sat there to scared of my own voice. i've never trusted my voice. we were forced to do partner work and he seemed hesitant till he came and actually sat down. every time he'd look down to write, i took that as my chance to admire his beauty. his dark hair and perfectly sculpted face. i still have no clue why he even tried making conversation with me. it seems as though with everyone else, he's quiet. but when it comes to me, he'll just chatter away. why? maybe because i'm not very intimidating and i don't talk much either. something inside me enjoyed yoongi talking to me, but i shouldn't. if i even let myself be happy, or even remotely content, for just a second... i know shit will indeed hit the fan. so i prefer to try not to enjoy it, because then i'll get attached. and we don't want that.

_____