- say something // phan -

-5-

the glistening white sands stretch into the distant horizon. the late summer sun sinking peacefully, painting over the milky pastel blue sky with rich citrus colours that blend together to briefly create extravagant artwork up above before interspersed with the dark night time sparkle.

the rhythmic hum of waves crashing upon the shore travels for miles, it's repetitive nature relaxing the souls of many. birds fly over the gentle waters into the hazy unknown, their wings mustering more miles per hour than the average car.

i'm in the corner, watching you kiss her

the palms trees are swaying in the evening breeze, verdant and formidable, catching the last glimpses of the burning sun. the beach, it's picturesque, idyllic for relaxation.

i sink my feet into the dampened sand, watching them slowly disappear. the particles pour over my toes, calming me.

i can hear something roaring in the distance, getting louder and louder. a wave is approaching the beach. a ripple of fear bubbles inside my stomach, because it's not like the rest. it's approaching at an alarming speed, threatening and firm.

i can hear it, it's getting closer and closer towards the beach. my heart is pounding in my chest, my lungs desperately trying to fill up with oxygen as i struggle for breath. i blink and there's nothing i can do.

it's here.

the salty water comes crashing over me, engulfing my entire body. i'm dragged up underneath the volume of the water, my lungs giving way. i try to scream for help but i'm at risk of the water slipping down my throat, intoxicating me.

the salt is blurring my vision, stinging my eyes, burning deep down into my corneas. i have to breathe in. my chest is ceasing up, i can't hold on. the eternal fear of drowning is finally here.

i kick my legs as hard as i can, desperately trying to reach the surface. my heart is beating so fast, adrenaline running through my veins, feeding into my capillaries. as soon as i feel the cool air surround my skin, i take a huge breath in, my lungs still stinging from oxygen deprivation.

i'm right over here, why can't you see me?

i flail my arms around in the water, trying to take hold of my own weight. i turn towards the expanse of sands stretched out in-front of me.

and then i see it, my heart sinks deep down towards my stomach.

it's him. i relax all my limbs and let the water seep over me.

dan. watching the waters take me away, watching me drown.

'WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?' i scream at him.

'i fucking hate you' dan spits.

'don't do this to me' i cry out, 'what happened to us?'

'it was you. you ruined everything' he smirks.

'PLEASE STOP' i shout.

and i'm giving it my all

PLEASE STOP' suddenly i am shaken awake.

i look around my room, confused as to what i am seeing, broad daylight streaming through my window, lighting up my small room.

i jolt up and out of my bed, flinging the duvet cover off my pale legs. i think i'm going crazy. i grab my phone which has been placed upon my bedside table, opening up my contacts and slamming my finger onto the screen. i press 'call' and the dial tone instantly rings through my ears.

'hello?' i say.

'hello, how can we help you?' a lady replies, i can almost picture her, damaged hair bleached blonde, fake tanned skin with heavy sultry eye makeup.

'i'd like to book an appointment' i stammer pathetically.

'of course, what sort of time are you looking for?' she asks me with a tone a happiness in her voice.

'as soon as possible' i say quickly.

'we have 3:25pm available if that's okay?' she says cheerily.

'that's your earliest appointment?' i ask, disappointed. (janice)

'yes, it's just under an hour away'

'wait what?' i blurt out.

but i'm not the guy you're taking home

'it's 2:16pm right now mr lester, so is 3:25pm okay for you? hello? mr lester? is that time okay for you?' she repeats.

'uhh, yes. that's fine' i stutter.

'great! we'll see y-' i hang up, my heart palpitating in my chest.

i have a feeling i may have just made a huge mistake. but when everything's falling apart around you, what's the worst one mistake can do?

i open my wardrobe door and scan the array of clothes presented before me. god nothing looks right, my head is still pounding from my nightmare of a dream.

i slam the door shut and reach for my oyster card, shoving it firmly into my back pocket. i walk swiftly down towards the front door, trying to avoid the possibility of an interaction with dan.

the lock in the wooden door clicks open just as i hear footsteps behind me. i tell myself to just ignore it, it's not like dan doesn't ignore me every day without a care in the world as to how it makes me feel.

i'm about the shut the door when dan says 'phil, where are you going?'

i don't want to turn around, i look out into the misty street, my eyes clouded with tears.

'don't follow me.. please, just don't..' i whisper as i slam the door shut behind me and run out into the frosted city street.

i keep dancing on my own