Goth Problems # WattPride

Six

Jacob had a whole pot of coffee on when I got to his house. "Dyce and Troy told me about the Myer shit yesterday," he explained when I questioned how he'd known. "Apparently, Myer has been going to Dyce for advice on the matter from Day One. He's pretty far gone for your ex. Wait, you guys are broken up, correct?"

I slumped down in one of my friend's shares and stared blankly out the window that was positioned above the sink in Jacob's kitchen. What was my life without Aaron? I didn't know anything except him. Now what was I supposed to do?

"Xavier?"

"I can't even hate him for what he did. In some strange way, I understand. Aaron is messed up and I've always known that. He lies to himself constantly about everything. Our life didn't make him the least bit happy, not after we graduated. College improved things for me but I did pull back a little. He's been so pissed at me for so long and now I get it."

Jacob was confused. He slammed his hand down on the chair, knocking me out of my private darkness. "What are you going on about? That is not okay! If Aaron was that unhappy, he should have left!" he was yelling, and I was staring at him with such anger I couldn't even breathe. "Wipe that look off your face. I'm just trying to knock some sense back into you."

"We had a life together, Jacob. We were getting through together. Our whole future, it was plotted together. Us separating ruins everything," I clarified for him, my voice weak and trembling. I don't have a future anymore. Everything's been wiped out. I'm not sure where I'm supposed to go now.

We drank coffee all night and talked. With a straight face, Jacob listened to all my stories about odd things Aaron had done since we'd gotten to Sawyer, and he nodded, agreeing with me this was probably linked in some way to the affair.

The affair.

Connecting that term to Aaron and I's relationship gave me chest pains. I never thought I'd had to even place any world that ugly alongside all the words I had for my Aaron. It was stressful, it was fulfilling, it was beautiful... and it was all ruined by an affair.

I wiped my eyes, checking the time on Jacob's clock. "It's three already," I muttered, shaking my head. "I-I should... I don't know."

"You better not contemplating going back to the apartment, asshole. No way am I letting you sabotage yourself."

Wincing, I nodded. "Thanks, Jacob."

"Don't mention it, bud."

For the rest of the weekend, I hid out in Jacob's apartment. We stayed in the whole time, only opening the door to accept a pizza delivery. Dyce and Troy tried calling me, but I sent them straight to voicemail. I was surprised never to receive a single call or message from Aaron.

"He's usually so pushy," I muttered to Jacob, showing him the lack of texts in my inbox. His response was that Aaron understood I needed my time. Either that or he was smart enough to realize he messed up big time and I was never talking to him again. "But," I whispered, "I-I don't want him gone from my life completely. I've never lived without Aaron."

"You made it five years without him," Jacob reminded me, sliding a bagel on a plate in my direction. I stared numbly at it. There was no chance I could eat right now.

I guess I never really thought about this ending any sort of relationship Aaron and I have. I assumed we'd still talk, still be friends... but that makes no sense. After what he did, I shouldn't want anything from him and yet...