a princess, not a prince • mtf jin

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jin pov

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"i have something i need to tell you."

"what is it?" namjoon asked softly. he was gently rubbing my arm as a way to calm me down, i wonder if he would ever feel comfortable doing that again after this conversation.

i didn't know if i wanted to tell him yet. i was planning on telling yoongi first, since not to long ago he came out as bisexual and everyone supported yoongi for that. but, of course, coming out as transgender is a lot different than coming out as gay or bi.

"i-um-" i choked on my words. i didn't know how to say this.

namjoon wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into his lap. i felt the blood rushing to my cheeks, this is definitely weird!

"just relax, jinnie. you don't have to tell me anything, but if you do i want you to know that i want to help and support you with whatever you need. i'm here for you," he said softly into my ear.

those reassuring words calmed me down a bit, but i was still nervous.

"i-i don't k-know how to s-say t-this," i whispered as quietly as i could, but namjoon heard. "take as much time as you need," namjoon said, holding me tighter.

"i-i'm t-t-trans," i managed to splurt out. at this point, tears were running down my face faster and i started freaking out. why did i just say that?

"s-so are you biologically m-male or f-f-female?" he asked. he seemed shocked, i just hope he still loves me after this.

"m-male," i responded, my voice cracking.

when namjoon didn't respond after a little while i started to cry. it was more of a sob, and quite a loud one at that.

when namjoon heard me, he held onto me as if his life depended on it. he made shushing noises and whispered in my ear to calm down.

once i settled down, he decided to continue. "jin, do you want to be a girl?" he asked calmly, not showing any hint of disgust, anger or worry in his voice.

i replied with a nod, scared that if i was to speak i would start crying again.

"jin," he said softly, "how long have you been transgender for?"

"a-all my life i-i guess," i started, "but i-i found out about it when i w-was about t-thirteen." my voice was all shaky because of crying. i had calmed down a decent amount but i was still a little on edge.

"jin, i want you to know that i will alway love and support you. i wish i had knewn sooner so i could help you through times like this. now i don't know what its like to be transgender so i hope i can help the best i can," he said, putting my head on his chest.

after that i started crying again. "hey, hey, there is no need to cry," he said, rubbing my shoulders to calm me down.

i looked up at him and said, "i-i'm not crying because i'm s-sad, i'm c-crying because i'm happy."

he gave me a warm smile and i gave him one in return.

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namjoon pov

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i called the manager to tell him that we wouldn't be able to attend the meeting because jin felt sick.

after sitting in that bathroom for a while jin had fallen asleep so i carried her to my bed.

the rest of the members had come asking me if jin was ok as they they heard her crying. I didn't want to tell them about jin being trans so i told them that jin just had a stomach bug.

i could tell they didn't believe me, it was written all over there faces. but i couldn't tell them, that's for jin to tell, not me.

i sat next to jin as she slept, taking in all of her beauty.

i'm always here for you, jin.

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18.06.18