a princess, not a prince • mtf jin

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jin pov

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"wait, is that Photoshop or not?"

"omg I really hope that actually is jin, they look soooo cute~"

"tf is this?!?! I really hope it isn't jin, I don't want some tranny as an idol!"

"dude, I don't think that is Photoshop!"

"jinnie oppaaaa~, is this chu or nah?"

"eww... faggot..."

I scrolled through the comments on the multiple posts with the photo of me. Every ARMY twitter and Instagram shared the photo, it was all over the internet. Though it only started out as a couple of small twitter posts with most people believing it was photoshop, but a few days after our manager came to our apartment the picture blew up. Everyone started sharing it and within seconds it was over every social media platform. The thing that is concerning me the most is the fact that the idea that it was photoshop soon went down the drain, and was replaced with the idea that it was me. Sure, i know it is me, but i dont want them saying this. I've seen quite a large amount of transphobic comments, more than I would expect. For every 2 decent or supportive comments there was always a negative comment. I brushed away all the positive comments, I only played attention to the hateful ones. They hurt me, the comments seeping deep in my skin, stinging like a bitch. Every hurtful word was like tiny little darts being fired at me and piercing my skin. Although the majority of negative comments were directed towards me, some of them were sent to the others.

"how the hell could you even consider yourselves FRIENDS with this faggot?"

"honestly bighit, you should fire this tranny."

I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, but I wiped them away. I know I shouldn't be crying about this, they are just being assholes. But at the same time, I felt a hole forming in my head. To think all of these people supported us and were fans, and know because of me, they hate us. The others know about the wild storm occurring in the media, so does the company. They try to reassure me that everything was ok, pointing out the amount of positive comments, yet I can only focus on the negative comments. I sighed, flopping back onto my bed, while turning of my phone. All I did was stare at the ceiling, thoughts flooding through my brain. I shut my eyes, trying to get rid of my thoughts, but I couldn't. I opened my eyes, tears escaped as I did so. I just lied there crying quietly by myself. Yoongi wasn't in our shared room, he was at the studio, hoseok and jimin were at the dance studio and tae & jungkook were at some arcade together. The only one who was here was-

"jin, you ok?" namjoon said, his voice sounded concerned. I looked away, hoping he won't notice the fact I was crying. "i-im fine namjoon.." I said. I heard him sigh, then I heard the sound of him walking towards me. he sat down next to me, but I moved away from him, facing the wall. "jin... please face me. I know your upset about all of this, but I don't want you to suffer alone. you don't deserve the hate you are getting. I don't want to see you upset," namjoon said in a quite, soft voice. I let out a sniffle, as I turned around, instantly pulled into his embrace, melting in his arms. I sat there, his arms around me, rubbing my back and whispering sweet, comforting words in my ear. In his arms I cried, I cried like there was no tomorrow. I kinda wish there was no tomorrow, I wouldn't have to deal with all of this, I wouldn't have to feel pain anymore, and I wouldn't cause pain for anyone ever again like I am now. "jin, I need you to calm down. Just breath, forget about what they have to say, you know we still love you no matter what," he said softly as he held me closer. Just being held by him made me calm down, maybe it was the warmth his body gave me, maybe it was his scent, all I know is that something about him made my brain replace the war of hate comments in my brain with only happy thoughts and memories. My tears came to a halt, my loud sobs being replaced with quiet sniffles. "j-joonie, im sorry. Because of me you guys are getting hate a-and I don't want you guys to get hurt by this. this is my problem, I have to deal with it by myself," I whispered, my voice cracking slightly. "jin, we don't want you to suffer alone. You don't deserve this, you deserve love and support, and that's what we want to give you. We will help you through this," he said.

I changed to position I was in, I lied against his chest, my head resting against his shoulder. He still held me close to him, rubbing my shoulder occasionally. "jin, we don't want you to suffer alone. You don't deserve this, you deserve love and support, and that's what we want to give you. We will help you through this," he whispered, caressing my cheek. I felt my heart skip a beat, melting at his touch. We sat there in silence, although my brain definitely wasn't. I just couldn't stop thinking about him; all my other thoughts were brushed aside. I've never felt this way about someone before, I think it's.... Love? Sure, I've had small crushes in the past, but this feels different. My heart pounds violently when I see him, his voice makes me melt, everything about him drives me crazy. "namjoon?" I asked in a whisper, receiving a hum in response, "what are we?" namjoon looked confuses by my question, making me nervous to continue as he looked at me with those soft eyes. "like, are we friends, or are we something... else?" I looked down at my lap, not wanting to see his reaction. I felt his fingers under my chin, lifting my head so I could see him. As our eyes met, I felt myself die inside. Those gorgeous dark eyes stared into mine, putting me into some kind of trance. "j-jin?" he stuttered, a bright red blush crossed his face. "y-yeah," I answered. "u-um... well... I-i like you...," he said nervously. I felt my cheeks heating up, my eyes still staring into mine. we sat there in silence, eye contact never breaking. The silence was comfortable, but the silence was soon broken by namjoon, "d-do you like me?" he asked. all I did was nod in response, nuzzling my head into his neck. I felt strange about confessing my feelings to him. I've only started feeling this way recently, what if these feelings are only temporary? I don't want to break his heart, and I'm also scared that my heart may be broken. what if doesn't actually like me? what if he gets sick of me? I looked up at him. he looked nervous, he opened his mouth to speak, quickly shutting it before a word could come out. I decided to speak instead, "so... what do we do now?" "i-im not sure," he said. after that we sat the in silence, cuddling up to each other like there was no tomorrow, just taking in each other's warmth, thinking about what had just happened.

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I sat there is front of the computer, sweat dripping down my forehead. I felt myself start to shake, thinking of the worst possible outcome. I had my hand on the mouse, hovering over I button that I didn't want to click. I took in a deep breath, trying to get rid of all nerves and fears that were building up inside of me.

*click*

and... we're live. "h-hey army."

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23.10.18