Dolor Retractatur (Pain repeated...)

Stolen Kisses

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Snape and Harry lay in the darkness, but neither was sleeping. Minutes stretched on in silence.

Snape's head throbbed. Severus worked out that the bond was responsible for these headaches about two weeks after the bond's initiation. If he ever aggravated or upset Harry, headaches would develop.

"What I said wasn't true." Snape said awkwardly, sitting up.

Harry turned her back on him.

"You're not like your father. I see Lily in you too." Snape didn't feel the need to say any more.

She turned and Severus, expecting her forgiveness was startled to see anger clearly reflected in her eyes.

"I don't want to be like either of them." She glowered at him and pushed herself into a seated position. "I want to be my own person. I'm sick of people expecting me to be the person they believe me to be instead of the one I am. I want to be Harry, not the 'girl who lived'." Somewhere in the rant, anger turned to anguish. "I didn't choose any of this. I didn't want to be famous for something I can't even remember. Something that destroyed my life completely. I hate that people assume that they know me without trying to get to know me. No one even tries!" She hugged her knees to herself in a futile attempt to gain comfort. "I want to be Harry. Just Harry."

Snape was completely disconcerted. "Potter, I"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Her hands balled into fists and she shoved Snape away. "You hated my father. I can see it in your face every time you say that name. I see it every time you look at me. I'm not like him. How could I be when I never even knew him?" Her anger at injustice of the situation was bubbling up and spewing out of her like lava. The years of Snape's mistreatment had finally driven Harry to breaking point.

Snape knew she was right about him hating James Potter. He was incapable of disguising that hatred.

When he looked at Harry however, it wasn't her father he saw, it was his demons. He saw his greatest regrets and mistakes.

It was hatred at himself that she saw when he looked at her.

"I don't hate you anymore, Harry." Snape tried again.

She flopped back down and turned her back on him. "You shouldn't have hated me in the first place. Not before you actually knew who I was."

Snape shifted. With lightning fast reflexes, Harry's arms were held protectively over her face.

Snape couldn't understand how his actions, albeit violent, on the first night of the bond, still left her shying away over a month later. This was a serious overreaction in his mind.

Harry seemed to realise that no punishment was forthcoming and she lowered her arms.

"I won't hurt you." Snape griped in irritation.

Harry flushed but hid the redness behind the glare she shot Snape. She turned her head away again and rested it on her pillow.

"Why do you mistrust me?" Severus asked.

Because you've given me reason to mistrust you. Because you are stronger than I am. Because you are an adult. The words were there but she'd never say them. Harry clenched her jaw and said nothing.

"Harry please, I'm sorry." Snape injected as much sincerity into those words as he could muster.

Harry knew she was treading on thin ice now but being around Snape this long, she was certain she had been infected with his snarkiness.