Kill my Love//Stray Kids//Changlix

16

''When I cried out for you during the nights when I missed you the most I was always told not to love a man who was a mess, but I was more of a mess than you,
And you always had this smile that made me feel so happy when I was lost but now I'm addicted and it's hard trying to get over you.''
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Felix's POV:

When I first came to South Korea during the summer I had never planned falling in love with someone. But it had happened and I know you can't help who you fall in love with, but sometimes I still wish that you can because maybe it'll hurt a little less.

Chan said I was confident when it came to my sexual orientation, and I was I really really was, I still am. But that doesn't mean I don't get upset when the person I love doesn't seem to love me back.

''Changbin? You love me right?'' I asked hugging his arm as tightly as I could so he wouldn't shrug me off.

( que EXO~ Love me right )

''Felix why do you keep asking me this? I'm already taking you out to dinner, and for goodness sake  please hug that giant teddy bear I just brought you instead of me.'' He groaned and did what I didn't want him to do, shrug me off.

I whined and began walking upstairs towards his bedroom. I wanted to sleep. I always wanted to sleep. Everything was always so boring now.

I buried myself under his covers shuffling around to get comfortable, I ended up laying on my back staring up at the ceiling, or the ceiling was staring at me, I wasn't that sure anymore.

I heard slow footsteps coming to the door, I could already tell it was Changbin just by the sound of his feet.

I closed my eyes pretending to be asleep. It was my turn to not show him affection,
Maybe he'll see how I feel.

I felt the bed go down beside me and the sent of roses and burnt wood, Changbin always smelt like that and it was nice, it was refreshing.

''Felix.....I know you're not asleep, it's 3 In the afternoon and you hate sleeping during the day.'' I wanted to smile at the fact that he knew me better than I thought but I kept a straight face.

I heard him sigh, ''I can't take you out to dinner if you're going to be asleep'' he patted my leg that was hidden under the mass of duvet.

I didn't move.

I felt him lay down beside me and almost squealed when he wrapped his strong arms around my dainty waist.

''Felix stop ignoring me.'' His voice was gentle almost to gentle.

''Felix!'' His voice was ruff, he was getting agitated I could tell. I never liked it when he was mad. It scared me.

I turned over so I was facing him but kept my head lowered, I didn't want to see how disappointed he would be, I hate disappointing people.

''I'm sorry Lix I didn't mean to scare you, I just don't like being ignored.'' His hands drew circles on my waist trying to calm me down, I'm sure he could feel my heart beating unnaturally fast.

I nodded, he didn't even need to apologise I would've forgiven him anyway.

I felt a pair of warm soft lips press against my forehead making me smile, Changbin always claimed that he didn't love me then when I was upset he acted like this, it was so confusing that it hurt.

''Changbinnie hyung, do you love me?'' I asked him this everyday, he would always avoid the question my laughing and saying that he needed to go out to get food because he was hungry, but I wouldn't let him this time.

There was silence. It wasn't awkward, it was like he was waiting for me to do something.

I looked up confused on why he hadn't answered in the normal way. He was already looking down at me frowning.

''Well are you going to answer?'' I held on to his hand that had traveled to my cheek as he caressed it gently as if he was figuring out if I was actually real.

''Do I love you?'' He repeated the question out loud, his eyes were glued to mine as he breathed out. I nodded.

''I......'' he began, I felt my body temperature rise. ''I don't know lix, I don't know what I'm feeling right now'' I felt my chest cave in, how could he not know how he feels?

''Tell me how you feel towards me then, if it's not love then it must be something else.'' I wanted to know what I was to him, I was tired of playing around.

'' I don't know if it's love or not but....'' he breathed in before speaking again. ''I'm always happy when I'm around you and for some reason I hate seeing you hug and flirt with other guys that aren't me, sometimes I stay up during the nights when I can't sleep just listening to you breath next to me because it reassures me that you're not just in my head, I've never willingly shared my bed or food with anyone before I met you, sometimes I'm jealous that Seungmin and Hyunjin have a relationship that I want, I'm not good at expressing how I feel because sometimes I'm scared that I would be judged but I feel like I can be myself around you, I feel like I can't start my day without you pulling me back to bed again, it makes me nervous when you sit on my lap, hug me, kiss my cheeks and smile at me because it makes me feel things I've never felt for a boy before. I was scared when I found my self staring at your lips and not your eyes but I always try to convince myself that I do that because your eyes are to bright but we both know that isn't true. So no Felix I don't know how I'm feeling because I am just so confused.''

I stared at him in shock, I didn't know that's how he felt.

''I didn't know you felt like that I always thought that you found me annoying and clingy and it made me sad because I really like you but I didn't think that you were ga-'' I was cut off.

His soft lips pressed against mine pulling all the words out of my mouth.

I loved him....

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-Author Bee 🐝