LAST CHAPTER.
I didn't realize I was crying. I didn't realize I was sitting down on the floor with the letter clutched against my chest. I didn't realize I was barely breathing. I didn't realize... I...
There is this terrible emptiness in me. A certain numbness that hurts.
I ran so fast I can barely catch my breath. I clutched the tear stained letter against my chest like my whole being depended on it. I ran and ran and hope to God its not too late.
But as I saw the library everything inside me stopped. It may be too late for me, it may be too late...
'Drea....'
His voice hit me like a bullet in the back. And I slowly looked at his sorrowful face. Tears began to blur my sight ...
And the sight of him burns more than any fire in this world.
He has dark shadows below his eyes, he became thinner and his usual bright eyes were now gone...
But I missed him. God, I miss him. And I want to hit him, I want to hurt him, I want to slap him and kiss him and hold him close until all the pain ends...
'I love you...'
And suddenly the world is spinning and I can't breathe. This boy who is standing twelve inches away from me can't make me fucking breathe. And he's oxygen and I'm a dying man...
So I kissed him like my whole life depended on him, like he's the only air i could breathe.
'Please let me stay...' I said as soon as our lips parted. He shook his head and kissed my temple. He then looked into my eyes, into my face like he's memorizing every detail of it.
'You made me promise right? You told me to stay. You told me to stay!'
'I know... That's why I'm here... I will make you break that promise...'
His words stabbed my heart a hundred times.
'I was wrong when I chose to let you in my life. I was wrong to let you know me. I was wrong in so many ways, Ondrea! This is all a mistake--'
'You were never a mistake--'
'I am dying, Ondrea! I'm dying! And I love you! Do you know how fucked up is that?!'
I caught my breath and looked at him with bewildered eyes. He sighed and wiped the tears on my cheeks.
'I am dying...' His voice a lot softer now. He smiled bitterly as he continued. 'My heart is damaged... The valves specifically. I thought it was just a simple chest pain or whatever so I ignored it, I was fine. I was perfectly fine not until a year ago when they told me I was dying... I was dying! I was fucking dying!' He laughed with no humor in it. ' They told me it was way too damage to be repaired. I was damaged. and I can't be fixed...But when I first met you, Ondrea. The first time I talked to you... The first time I actually saw you as you... I was a fool to believe I can be fixed...'
I feel like a fish out of water.... Or more like a bird in the sea... I feel like I'm drowning...
'I had choice to leave and ignore you... I had that choice... And yet I want to be selfish... I was selfish... I want to give us time. I want to know you more. I want you to know me more. And that was my mistake, Ondrea. I let myself in your life knowing that I'm a fucking grenade.' He wiped his tears and pulled his hair.
He held my face and kissed me. I can taste our mixed tears on my lips. And for the first time I wanted to blame the world, the universe... And everything inside my head vanished...
But only one thing stayed in my clouded mind.
'I will fight with you.' I said as soon as our lips parted. 'I will never let you go... I will never give up on you... On us... Not in this night...
Not in this life.'
