The Drowning Girl

one

My lips curled as I watched her giggle at something the other blonde said, all while perched on the olive giants lap. I shook my head at myself, I was being cynical, but then again, I almost always was. I didn't hate her, well, maybe I did, but I more so hated how happy she was.

I couldn't give a shit about being in love. I couldn't give a shit about having guys following my every need and falling on their knees for me. Unfortunately, I did give a shit about having friends, about being wanted, about not being so goddamn lonely all the time.

I looked mean, I knew that. I had white hair and silver eyes so light they looked almost white themselves. I looked weird, i was taller, close to five foot eight, as well as shapely. I was a senior now, I had less than a year till I could escape. I had everything planned, as much as I could anyway, the only problem would be getting away from my family.

My father was a doomsday survivalist. Yeah, one of those.

He kept us in a bunker four blocks from Ashley Waters, with no working AC and barley any water pressure. The less electrical appliances, the less we have to learn to live without once the world ends. My only saving grace was the bike I rebuilt myself, and the only reason I was able to have that is because my father thought I should know mechanics for when the world ends.

Never if, when.

I knew too much as it was, him shoving books and knowledge down my throat as if it should be water. Any other person would tell me to be thankful for the fact I knew multiple languages, for knowing how to build a working engine or how to work a computer better than the average hacker. I should be grateful for being able to live in the woods, how to start fires and survive a fucking zombie apocalypse.

But I hated it.

My mom was long gone, my father taking her death harder than I thought he could've. That's when he fully brought us into the bunker and pretty much cut everything off. I was just glad he didn't beat me every day, instead choosing to ignore me most of the time. Every once in a while I'd say something or do something stupid, and get knocked around a bit. I seem to say stupid shit a lot, or at least more and more these days.

But he didn't do anything worse to me than what I did to myself.

I was waiting for this stupid day to be over with, but it just wouldn't end. My fingers were itching, itching for a release I knew I couldn't give myself. I'd never done it here, never on school grounds. Always at home when my father was away, or in the woods behind our property.

"Hey little bitch." My body tensed, my eyes looking up involuntarily. Jade stood tall, her eyes piercing me as Daniele stood slightly behind her. I felt myself shrink back, my subconscious screaming at me to stand up. To be the bitch I knew I was, but fucking hell was I scared.

"What do you want Jade?" I asked her monotonously.

She smirked before leaning across the table, her nails digging into my upper air as she leaned even closer. "Stay the fuck away from my boyfriend, you fucking trailer trash whore."

I furrowed my eyebrows, wincing as she dug in even deeper. "What the hell are you talking about? We're literally a grade apart, I have no interest in your boyfriend, whichever one it is."

Her other hand shot forward, gripping my hair and ripping my head to the side. My face was directly to the group of guys and the blonde, non of them noticing the way Jade was forcing me to look at the group. "You see that hunk, in all black? That's North, and he's all mine. I saw you and him yesterday, the way you felt him up in the hallway."

She shoved me backwards, my body tipping and falling onto the grass beneath me. I sucked in a breath as I felt the cuts I had given myself on my ribs reopen, almost like the tearing of fabric. She looked over me, smirking as she crouched even closer.

"You're trash just like you're fucking mother, touching him in public. A fucking whore, that's all you ever are. All you ever will be."

Funny thing is, North bumped into me. I wasn't paying attention, to focused on my biology notes to notice where I was going and accidentally ran into him. He helped me pick up my scattered papers, and that was it. No words exchanged except for the simple, "I'm sorry" from the both of us.

By now we drew a crowd, my body pushing itself forward as I stood up. I was taller than Jade easily, but I didn't like fighting. I didn't like violence, I had more than enough of it as it was. Jade wanted a fight, but she wasn't going to get it from me.

"It was an accident Jade, won't happen again." I muttered, my eyes looking up to lock with the green glasses guy. He stared at me, calculating, while his large olive tone friend stood right behind him, the red head near him as well.

"You're damn right it won't." I rolled my eyes before turning my back to her, my first mistake.

It was like a bat to my ribs, sending me stumbling on the ground. I heard the shouts, some telling her to stop and some egging her on, before another hit sent me reeling. I looked up, seeing her holding a long thin piece of, wood? Stone? I have no idea what it was, it just hurt like fucking hell.

"Pathetic."

I took in a deep breath, knowing I had to leave if I didn't want to break and punch her back. I wouldn't do that, that wasn't something I ever wanted to do and if she thought I'd give in to her she was wrong. I grit my teeth as I spun, my hand shooting out to grab the board from her and throw it onto the ground in seconds. Her eyes went wide at my speed, my jaw clenched before I turned back.

I ignored the surprised faces as I shoved my way through the crowd, grabbing my back pack and high tailing it up the stairs in the main entrance. I made my way to the balcony, my ribs burning like hell fire as I grit my jaw even harder. I finally let out a breath as I opened the doors, my eyes shutting to let myself bask in the sun and crisp air.

It was the beginning of October, the relentless heat finally letting up somewhat. I grimaced before looking down at my ribs, lifting up my hoodie, shirt and jacket up. I wore many layers to hide myself, to try and blend in as much as I could as well as cover any scars or bruises I had.

Four cuts had reopened, blood beginning to trickle down my pale skin. I sighed as I just let my shirt fall back down, instead choosing to slide down the wall and let my head fall back. My eyes kept flickering to my secret pocket within the lining of my back pack, back and forth, back and forth.

Whore.

Trailer Trash.

Pathetic.

Fuck it. I moved quickly, scared of psych myself out of it. I gripped the small blade tightly, pulling my sleeve up on my left arm. It was like a release to me, something that I relished in. I was forced to feel pain every single day, but this pain, this pain I could control. I was the boss of this pain, no one was forcing this upon myself.

One arm wasn't enough. I ignored the blood and pushed up my other sleeve, feeling my head begin to lighten as I slashed. Slash slash slash. I smiled as I finally set the blade down, my eyes looking out of the balcony to the sun as it lowered. I heard the bell, multiple times, but ignored it for the little bubble I was in. I couldn't contain my smile anymore, my eyebrows furrowing as I heard loud pounding from somewhere behind me.

My eyebrows furrowed as I felt pressure against my wrist, my eyes flickering up to green eyes hidden behind dark rims. Huh?

His mouth was moving, but I couldn't hear anything. All I saw were his eyes moving to look behind him, my own finding another set of green eyes belonging to that girl. She was hiding behind someone, a big someone, her hand covering her mouth as if she were sobbing. Why would she be sobbing?

I just wanted to sleep, sometimes this happened if I went to deep. It was fine, I was fine, I'd wake up and start this hell all over again. I don't think I could die, seems like I'd never be able to die. Which was bullshit if you asked me.

I grunted as I tried to move my arm away, the word shaking slightly before I glanced up again. My eyes met dark ones directly in front of my face, wide as he stared at me. This was, North? Yes, North. He was saying something, the vein in his forehead seeming to throb as he kept opening his mouth.

I felt my eyes start to flutter as the room spun, the ground spinning beneath me. I didn't care, I was warm, I was tired, and I truly didn't care. I was content now as everything slugged and I just felt myself, falling, dripping, letting myself go.