The Child Zoo

Chapter 11

Blankness. That's all that I feel, think, know. This almost serene blankness. White walls endless on all sides of me as I stare, and stare, and stare, from my crouched position on the floor. I stare at nothing, think nothing, just stare. I've been in this room for about a week I think. It could have only been two hours or it could have been a month, I don't know, I don't care. It's crazy what being left alone to your own thoughts can do to you.

They bring food twice a day, open the door set the tray down, leave. Over and over and over. They might let me out now that I've stopped trying to hurt myself and everything else, or they might not. Who cares? The destruction phase has finally passed. With all of those emotions out I'm left with nothing. I don't feel anything, just this overpowering emptiness, like my soul was captured and locked away. Wall, wall, and more wall. Nothing but wall.

"Hominid 2760 appears stable and is ready for release." Speak of the son of a bitch. She's come in and out over the span of time I've been in here, checking on my "status" as she says. There was some yelling and unpleasant words from me directed at her a couple of times. For example "let me out of here you..." and other things. But that's old news now.

I don't look at her, just the wall, that every lasting blank wall. "Get up" This time I glance at her, not turning my head before going back to the wall. "You can get out of this room now, don't you want to be free?" I almost laugh, almost. I still don't look at her. "There is no freedom in this hell hole." She chuckles at what I said like it was a joke. Turning my head lazily to the side I look her in the eyes this time.

"Go to hell."

"According to you I'm already there."

We just stay like that, looking at each other for some moments before I sigh and get up, my bones cracking. She spins on her heel and I follow her out the door and down the hallway. Through the glass wall on one side I peer down at the land below. Desert, devoid of life, how refreshing.

"How long have I been in there" I say from behind her as we walk. "8 days and seven nights." So it wasn't months or hours, good. "So that means it's late afternoon right now." We stop at the door leading to the activity center. "All of you hominids aren't as dumb as they say you are."

"Thanks." I reply flatly.

"Via open." Entering the room the whispers and looks erupt into an uproar at my return.

"Shes back"
"I thought she died or something"
"Isn't she like dangerous"
"I heard she got taken to a loony bin"
"Is she still pregnant?"

I don't react as I walk past them all into the sleeping courters, as it's after zoo hours. Making my way to my bunk I notice Taylor sitting on her bottom bunk, head in her hands. The noise my footsteps make cause her head to shoot up, surprise takes over her facial features but her eyes hold a storm behind them.

Her mouth parts as she searches for words, anything to say but comes up short. Taking my attention away from her I climb up the latter to my bunk where I lay on my back and stare at the ceiling for what seems like forever. I stare until everyone comes in. I stare until everyone is asleep. I stare until morning comes. Sleep never touches me as I just stare.

Once the alarm comes on I get up and climb down from my bunk. As if on cue I run to the bathroom and spill anything remaining in my stomach into the toilet. Rising from the floor I go over to the sink to rinse my mouth when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I look worse than a dead man. There are dark purple bags prominent under my eyes from lack of sleep. My hair is an untamed mangled mess. My eyes are bloodshot red. I look dirty visibly as I haven't showered in a week.

Sighing I make my way out into the activity center and slump into one of the purple bean bag chairs. My eyes wander to the side where I see him. Aggressively making out with Tasha. I've started to learn some names, just because nobody talks to you doesn't mean you can't hear. Her overly bleached and permed hair cascades down her back as she lets him this rapist explore her mouth and her body.

I almost feel sorry for her, but then again I really don't. She saw, everyone saw, but some how it's easier to pass around whispers instead of actually doing anything. Some how it's easier to blame the broken then to confront the one who did the breaking. He hasn't even looked at me since then. It's like he doesn't even remember, like I was just another girl he decided to use. He didn't even give a reaction when he found out I was pregnant, like it didn't concern him.

"The zoo will be opening in exactly one hour. It is time to prepare yourselves." We line up, as usual and follow the drill. For once I am grateful for the rough assault of the much needed shower.

When we enter the zoo I look around and take a deep breath. Apparently I'm hot news in here too as nearly every pair of eyes turns in my direction. Giving them all a blank look I make my way to the cave, where I sit alone and think about nothing.

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It's after zoo hours and I sit at the crafts station doing really nothing at all. Time ticks on slowly and the world around me seems to disappear. I am sucked into this fogged state where there's nothing but me. Entranced by the intense zoning out it's like my body isn't even my own, like I'm watching everything in slow motion from above.

I watch as a hand brings a scalpel like tool down on a wrist. My hand. It makes a vertical cut all the way down the wrist to the arm slicing it open. My wrist. Blood pours out of the cut furiously gushing out down my arm and onto the floor, pooling on the ground like a red river. My blood. I don't react as I watch my blood poor out of me in waves. All I do is watch. In my peripheral I can vaguely see people rushing around me but all I can do is watch my blood before black takes over my vision. I guess there was one more act of destruction waiting inside of me.

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My eyelids feel heavy as my mind wakes up from sleep. Trying to open my eyes becomes a difficulty before eventually they flutter open and I am blinded by a light coming from above me. My vision is blurry as I look around trying to figure out where this annoying beeping sound is coming from. That's when I look down at my arms; one is bandaged and the other has an iv in it. Everything feels stiff and my skin is paler than normal confusing me further.

I try to sit up but I have the worst fucking headache to ever have been experienced so ultimately I flop back down. After a few minutes of me staring at the ceiling, the doctor who I had seen before comes into the room and I stiffen even more remembering our last encounter.

"How are you feeling?" How does she think I'm feeling? Deciding to just ignore her I go back to staring at the ceiling, that void in my heart more consuming than ever. "Can you tell me why you slit your wrist?" What?

"What?" She gives me an odd look before motioning to my right arm. That's when memories start to come back to me, the arts and crafts station, me taking the tool and slicing my wrist open, passing out. I groan and bring my left arm up to my face rubbing my eyes. "I don't know it just happened."

She decides to take my answer and not probe me further. Then she all of a sudden she brightens and a smile forms on her face. "Well the good news is the baby is perfectly fine." Oh my god. The baby. I've been so consumed in depression and myself that I haven't let myself except the fact that I am pregnant. Sure I heard the news, I know it, but it never really sunk it. At least not until now. There is a baby growing inside of me.

That's when I notice the ultrasound monitor portraying a picture in grey and black. "See that dot right there." The doctor says circling it with her finger. All I can do is stare with wide eyes. "That's the baby." It's so surreal actually seeing the baby inside of me, even if it still is a blob. I can feel something inside of me build, a connection to this being inside of me. I'm making a baby.

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August 7th - August 11th 2112
8/7/2112 - 8/11/2112

Well that was a lot of emotions for one chapter. Serendipity is finally starting to understand the fact that there is a baby inside of her. Also just as a btw the woman who was monitoring Serendipity is the same one who brought her there. The way I imagined her is like Amanda Waller from the Arrow.