The Child Zoo

Chapter 13

Sitting with Angelica and Taylor I zone out to whatever Angelica is saying. I stare at my stomach as the small bump has formed and it's all I can think about. It isn't large enough to be eye catching but it's definitely there. The curve is hypnotizing as it reminds me of everything I'd rather forget. My vision starts to blur and I close my eyes tight, breathing ragged. Thump thump thump thump. I can feel my heartbeat pounding in my veins. Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth I try to calm myself down to no avail. Thump thump thump thump.

I can't raise a baby! Thump thump thump. Especially not in this place. Thump thump. I want it out! Out out out out! Thump! My head spins and I clutch it as it feels like I'm spinning. Getting up I stumble as I run, run from Taylor and Angelica, run from my problems, my emotions, this baby. I don't know where my feet are taking me as I just run. I run until I reach the cave, my solitude. Or at least I thought until Taylor and Angelica come running in.

"LEAVE!" My chest pumps up and down heavily as I shout at them. They don't move. "I DON'T WANT YOU HERE! YOU HEAR ME I DON'T WANT YOU NEAR ME!" Getting in Taylors face I yell and scream for her to just go away. She stares at me blank faced like what I'm saying doesn't effect her. Angelica gives me a look filled with pity which escalates my anger even more. She reaches her hand out to touch me but I smack it away harshly taking a step back. This zoo has really gotten what they wanted. I'm pregnant and I'm losing my mind, acting like the animal they want me to be.

I want everything to just go away, this baby, this zoo, them, me, everything. They don't leave, they just let me yell at them, I yell at them until tears stream down my eyes, I yell at them until my face is red, I yell at them until I can't anymore from lack of oxygen.

Eventually I just slump to the floor, utterly defeated. This pain, this mental pain, I can't take it anymore. I just want to disappear, for everything to end, I don't want to exist anymore, not in this fucked up world. How did the world get like this? Where people just pass families starving to death on the streets and take people's kids to a zoo where they get raped. Not wanting to think anymore I let my brain turn to static and practice the art I've nearly mastered. Being lifeless.

***

It is only when the voice comes over the intercom signaling the zoo is closing that I snap out of my daze. I shake Taylor and Angelica awake as they fell asleep trying to comfort me. Taylor says goodbye to Angelica but I'm too wrapped up in my own head to really pay attention to what's going on. We are escorted out of the zoo and down the hallway when fingers are snapped in front of my face.

My feet squeak to a quick stop to keep my face from hitting the hand. I look up to be met with none other than Amanda. "You have a doctors appointment today." Internally groaning I follow Amanda down the opposite way of the hall I just came. When we enter the room the doctor is waiting for us.

"Lay back on the table for me Serendipity." Doing as she says I fold my hands over my stomach and stare at the ceiling. "Any reports for today, panic attacks, any outbursts." I hesitate on telling this lady my business but she is my doctor and pretty much already knows it all. "I had a panic attack and flipped out on my friends."

She types some notes out on her tablet before asking more questions. "Did your anxiety pills help?"

"I didn't take them." She looks up from her tablet with a confused face. "Why didn't you take the pills Serendipity?" She asks typing some more things onto her tablet. "I don't like how they make me feel. Or more so how they don't make me feel. When I take them I feel absolutely nothing like I'm completely hollow. A zombie, like my body isn't even mine."

She nods typing even more things. Doesn't she get tired of all this note taking? "Well the pill gives that effect to make you stable. You should take them." Ha, what a joke. All the pill does is take away anything I have left for a certain amount of time. It just delays the inevitable. Eventually the thoughts will come back and I'll be right back in the dark place I was to begin with. It's an endless cycle of depression and numbness.

Despite all of my thoughts I just nod not wanting to hear anymore of her opinion. "How about the other pills are they working as intended?" I think back to when I take the pills and nod my head once again. "The pills help with the morning sickness as I don't throw up immediately after I wake and the insomnia pills put me to sleep immediately. I don't have any dreams when I take them."

Listening the the clicking of the tablet I wonder how a person can stand being attached to one technology like that, their attention absorbed in the glowing screen. "Now that there is confirmation that the pills work we are going to now check on the baby and it's development." She doesn't give me the whole this might be cold speech as we've been there before.

She spreads the clear gel over my stomach with the probe when a strange sound meets my ears. Woosh woosh woosh woosh woosh. Amanda and the doctor have big smiles formed on their faces adding to my confusion. "What is that?" I ask internally freaking out. "That sound is the baby's heartbeat!" The doctor exclaims and I think my stomach does a backflip into my throat. The baby's heart beat??

"It's strong and sounds healthy which is a very good sign. The baby now has human like features, very different from the last time you saw it, take a look." I turn my body slightly to the side to look at the ultrasound and the world stops. "See this is the baby's head, there's an arm, and the other, it's two legs and little toes...." I drown out the rest of the doctors words as I take in every detail I can from the screen. It looks so real and human.

I snap my attention away from the screen and tune back in to reality when I feel the doctor wipe the gel from my stomach. "Now I need you to come over to the scale so we can monitor the change in your weight." She gestures to the scale in the corner of the room with her free hand. When I step onto the scale the numbers representing my weight immediately pop up on the miniature screen.

"One hundred and thirty five pounds, your weight is increasing at a normal rate which is good, meaning both you and the baby are getting enough nutrients." After we go through the whole routine checkup, blood pressure etc. I am "all set" the doctor says to return to the activity center. Fantastic.
As I am being led down the hall to the center all I can think is what a day.

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September 18th 2112
9/18/2112

First off I would like to thank everyone for 1k reads! It really means a lot to me for my story to be read. I know I haven't updated in a little while and I apologize as the chapter wasn't flowing right, and as I've said before my chapters are more about quality than quantity. I know this chapter wasn't very eventful but hold on the big stuff is coming soon. Thanks again for 1k.