The Child Zoo

Chapter 14

I lie awake yet another night as tears fall from my eyes on their own accord. I haven't given them permission, or willed them to fall, yet they do anyway. The night is the loneliest and most torturous part of the day. It's where all of the bleak and dark thoughts and feelings close in on me, igniting my inner claustrophobia, pushing and suffocating me until I feel as though I can't stand existing any longer.

To avoid the treachery of these nights I take my insomnia pills almost instantly, going into an unconscious state where dreams depart from me. The cycle of turning on and off with nothing in between has driven me a bit insane, so I lie awake tonight.

It frustrates me that I can't dream happy dreams like most people, instead every time I close my eyes to sleep on my own I am met with horrific nightmares that I then have to wake and face in my reality. There is nothing but the sleeping noises of my fellow captors and the dull hum of quiet that is almost soul consuming. My fingers graze across the top of my stomach, lightly stroking the bump.

Seventeen weeks. That's what the doctor told me. I have been growing this human being inside of me now for seventeen weeks. That's also seventeen weeks since that day. The worst day of my life. The day that's broken my mind and left me in pieces, with no way of picking them up. The day that'll haunt me for the rest of my life, and a day that I will never forget.

Every day is a struggle to maintain my sanity, my emotions a natural disaster that catches everyone in its aftermath. Some days are better than others, but the void that is within my entire being, inside every inch of my body and mind, remains. Emptiness has become my state of being, defining me in one word. I wrack my mind for hope, for some optimism, and come up short handed. Through the sea of despair and dystopia that lives inside my mind optimism is lost.

When the alarm signaling the start of the day sounds I am still awake, having never even dozed off. I climb down the later from the top bunk until my feet touch the floor. I ignore the stares and whispers that have begun once more as now that my belly is prominent enough to be noticeable as a pregnant belly it attracts the attention of nearly everyone.

For breakfast there were omelets consisting off tomato, parsley, and red and green peppers. My mouth salivates at the sight of the food, the omelet triggering my pregnancy cravings. I dig into the omelet with the plastic fork hungrily. As soon as the food hits my tastebuds I instantly don't want the omelet anymore. Groaning in frustration at the indecisiveness of my cravings I push the omelet away and instead head to the vending machine for a granola bar.

I push the button on the machine for the granola bar and watch as the bar is held out on a slot from the side. After I take the bar the slot retreats. Just as I finish my breakfast it is time to get showered and then go. Since my routine has changed for my pregnancy I now get bathed nightly instead of entering the shower chambers. Standing off to the side I wait as everyone is washed and take my mint.

I look away when the chamber front opens and they get dressed, knowing the feeling of eyes on your exposed body. We are filed out into the enclosure for another sickening day. Closing my eyes I take a deep breath wrapping my arms around my stomach.

I don't hang out with Taylor and Angelica today, they understand that at times I need my space. Zoning out the noise I walk around the enclosure to parts I've never been before. I stumble across a cluster of rocks shaped like a circle near the northwest part of the enclosure. The rocks are smooth and polished but made to look like they're jagged even though they aren't sharp.

I duck under I part of a rock that arches like a bridge and enter the area enclosed by the rocks. That's when I see a little girl sitting with her head in her knees and her back against the rocky wall. Her hair is medium length and curly, wrapped in a bun around itself. My footsteps cause her to look up at me, her eyes a beautiful chocolate brown that match her skin.

"Oh hello, I didn't mean to scare you." I say looking down at her, she just nods her head solemnly at me. Shuffling around awkwardly on my feet I contemplate leaving. Deciding to stay I sink down to the ground sitting crisscrossed. "What's your name?" She looks up hesitantly at me pausing before answering. "... Jada".

"Well Jada, what are you doing here all by yourself?" Sighing heavily she brings her knees down and looks at the ground. "They took me from my mommy and brought me to this place, it's scary so I stay by myself." I nod in understanding as myself and everyone else in this place was ripped away from their lives and families, it's no unfamiliar feeling.

"How old are you Jada?" She holds up five of her fingers on one hand and two on the other. "Seven." We go on like this and I continue to ask her questions and talking, trying to get her to smile. She didn't. When the announcement comes over the intercom signaling lunch time I stand and hold out my hand to Jada.

She takes my hand and I lead us both out to the common area and we take our places in line. Today lunch is spaghetti and bread.  Once Jada and I both finish eating I stand and begin to speak. "Well Jada are you ready to-" my words are cut short as Jada jumps up quickly, smiling wide. "Mommy!"

She began to run over to the front of the enclosure where a woman stood holding what looks like a newborn in her hands. The woman looks strikingly similar to Jada and I instantly realize this is her mother. The woman looks emotionally tormented and tired, oh so tired.

Cautiously I walk toward them, staying a few feet away. "Mommy why do you have a baby?" Jada asks curiously tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy. "Don't worry about it sweetheart." The woman's voice is croaky and thick, like she spent an eternity crying.

The devil walks over to Jada and her mother with a closed lip smile. "I see you brought it." "... Yes" before I can even blink the devil takes the newborn out of Jada's mother's hands. She hands her a form which she signs, some clothes, child clothes, and then walks off with the baby. "Come on sweetheart we can go home now."

Then it hits me. It hits me like a sickening wave of disgust, anger, and horrification. Jada's mother had a baby just so she could trade the baby in for Jada. The only way to get your child back before they're 20 is to give another one up. Disbelief racks my entire body and my hands make their way to my own protruding stomach.

The rest of the zoo day I sit in the cave, needing to be alone to think, or to not think, I'm not sure which. When we are brought back into our centers I rush to the bathroom, throwing up my insides. Not from pregnancy sickness, but from the sickness that our world possesses.

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October 24th 2112
10/24/2112