My Cold Days

Ch. 8

     Although I wasn't sobbing loudly, Jack could still tell I was crying by my short breaths. He didn't question it though. He kept hugging me and I kept crying. I kept wiping the tears with my hands. I couldn't believe he would be so bold to do this, especially knowing I didn't want to be touched.

     I couldn't help but cry. Not a single person has shown me this kind of affection in a very long time. He finally let go, probably realizing that a vigil would enter at any moment to get us. I didn't want him to stop though, I wanted him to keep holding on. Finally, he stood at my side and faced forward. He looked at me for a moment before looking back forward. He let out a short chuckle.

     "You're even beautiful when you cry," He said confidently. He seemed proud to have made me cry. It's almost like he knew that that was exactly what I needed.

     "Oh, shut up," I said wiping my face and attempting to laugh but only releasing an ugly sob.

     He was smiling. His grin stretched from ear to ear. He seemed so happy. That made me happy too. I smiled and just stared at him until the door was opened.

     To my dismay, the vigils that walked in were the same from the day before. Chances were, that I would permanently be assigned to these guards for the rest of my time here. On bath days, the guards performed their daily inspection right before they escorted you to the restroom. It was a pretty standard procedure. They didn't seem anywhere near as spiteful of me as the previous day though. There was one thing that seemed kind of off.

     They inspected us one at a time. They did me first then moved onto Jack. Both vigils moved directly in front of him and stared intensely into his eyes. Jack returned the eye contact. They only broke contact after Jack dropped his head and looked down. Both guards looked at each other as though they were disappointed then without another word started walking out of the room.

     I cued Jack to follow and I went out first. Jack followed me and he was followed by one of the guards. Our group stopped at the restrooms. I made a troubling realization when we arrived. I noticed that there was no separation between genders at the restrooms. There was just one big communal restroom. I felt my entire face turn red. I was hoping one guard would escort Jack to a different location or would make us take turns, but no. They sent us in together and waited outside.

     Jack must have noticed how red my face was, "Don't worry, Anne. I'll be on the opposite end of the room. Won't sneak a peak."

     "Th-Thanks." I stammered nervously, obviously embarrassed. Before leaving he stripped his hoodie leaving his pants on. As soon as I noticed him, I looked down immediately. If my face wasn't red before, it definitely was now. He must have kept in shape before his incarceration. He was well shaped and had an attractive physique. That's when it occurred to me.

     I barely knew Jack. It had been over four years since I had last seen him. He had to have been arrested for a reason. Did he kill someone and people thought he was crazy? He certainly seemed physically capable of it. Did he pull off crazy robberies? Was he a rapist? Did he hurt anyone? Looking at him at that moment, I realized he could have been anything. I didn't know him. I needed to know him first before I could feel so comfortable around him.

     I decided to take a harsh approach. "Jack, go to the stall at the end of the room so I can finally begin," I commanded resolutely. I recognized that I sounded a little harsh, but I just wanted him to go. He must have recognized it as well. He shot me a weird look as though he was telling me to calm down. He walked away and I finally began to shower. I took off my dress and left it on the counter. I chose a stall that was fairly large compared to the others and I always used very hot water. The steam filled up the entire stall and if you looked at a far away enough point, you wouldn't be able to see anything. That's what made the surprise so easy.

     I had just rinsed my hair. I was letting the warm water hit my face for a moment when I noticed him out of the corner of my eye. Jack was leaning against the tiled wall looking at me. I let out a short scream and yelled at him.

     "What the hell is wrong with you? This is a bathroom stall, you idiot!" I backed off until I hit the stall wall. He seemed unphased by my scream. He just stared at me intensely and seriously. Even if I wasn't happy with him at the moment, I had to admit that he looked incredibly handsome. I couldn't even see his actual body past all the steam and I was hoping he couldn't see me either. His serious expression and pale skin were appealing. His chiseled chin helped his case as well.

     He kept leaning against the wall for a moment then pushed off of it. He walked towards me until I was cornered. He put his hand against the wall just above my shoulder. I was petrified. He was so close to me. My heart was pounding against my chest so loudly that I could almost hear it.

     "Why are you so scared?" Jack asked smoothly. I realized that he was about to touch me only this time his gloves weren't on.

     "You'll get hurt!" I responded rapidly, panic ringing in my voice. I would have pushed him off, but then he would definitely get hurt. It needed to be his choice to get off. "Please, get off. Please," I begged quietly. My eyes welled up with tears. Even though I didn't actually know him yet, I really didn't want him to get hurt. Before, it was selfish. I didn't want others to get hurt before for selfish reasons. I was a monster. If no one got hurt, then maybe I wouldn't be a monster. Now, I just want him to be safe. He noticed how distressed I was and backed off of me. He sighed loudly.

     "I don't get you, Anne. Why can't I touch you?" He sounded angry. He paced around to blow off steam and after a moment he slammed his fist against the stall wall. He was scaring me. I wanted him out of my stall. I wanted him gone. I wanted to be alone again. I started breathing heavily. I was crying and hyperventilating now.

     His angry expression changed to concern. He looked down at the floor. I didn't know why his expression suddenly changed, but I did notice the steam starting to disappear even though the water was still running. Jack must have noticed too because he ran out of the stall before the steam could disappear entirely. I assumed he returned to his own stall, but I was wrong as to why he ran out.

     I realized it soon after he ran out. The floor on the ground was turning to ice. The steam seemed to dissipate in a matter of seconds. Frost formed on the walls of the shower stall. This had never happened before. I didn't understand. I slid down the wall to the ground. My knees were in my face and I hugged my legs. I sat there sobbing. So many thoughts were racing through my mind.

     I never turned anything into ice before. Was this even me? Was it him? It's so cold. Did he touch me and I just didn't notice? Is that why everything is ice? Is he okay? Did I hurt him? Am I hurt? What happened? What happened? What the hell just happened?

     Soon my thoughts were interrupted. It was freezing in there. It felt like my fingertips were turning blue. I could barely feel my body. I had been sitting there too long and more ice must have formed because it was getting colder and colder. My breathing was ragged and I was able to see my breath in front of me. It hit me that I might die here. I might have just accidentally killed myself. I was okay with that though. I didn't seem to mind the thought of dying. If anything, I thought it would be for the best. I wouldn't be able to hurt anyone anymore. I wouldn't be stuck in this hell hole either. I felt relief sitting there in the cold for a moment, gladdened by the thought being freed. Then, the world went dark and I blacked out.