My Cold Days

Ch. 10

That night, I slept peacefully. The nightmares that had once been so constant no longer filled my thoughts. Even though pleasant dreams didn't take their place, I was content with a blank slate. In fact, it wasn't only this night that the horrible images disappeared. They left me for the rest of my incarceration. I know I was lucky to rid myself of these cursed dreams, but I still wish to have had just one pleasant thought fill my slumber. 

Days passed. I felt more comfortable with Jack and I talked to him. We talked about frivolous things mostly. We had been avoiding serious discussions since the incident. I didn't want Jack to worry about me or think I'd try to hurt myself. 

I now genuinely enjoyed his company. To think, just a few days ago I was wallowing in self-pity and not speaking a word. Now, I couldn't stop asking questions and joking around. One night, we were having a stupid conversation about colors. We were just arguing over what that one color was that Ms. Harris always wore. She was a teacher Jack and I both had back in elementary school. Everyone absolutely hated her and made fun of her for never wearing a color that wasn't peach. Well, that's what I argued anyway. Jack insisted that she always wore yellow. 

"Come on, the woman was crazy and looked it. It was definitely yellow." That's when it hit me. I still knew nothing about why Jack was arrested. To be fair, I hadn't old him either. Usually only the insane are sent here, but Jack seemed completely normal. I had never met anyone so respectful and as kind as Jack was. I laughed off his joke, but I kept thinking about it the rest of the night. 

Maybe, all the reasons that convinced me he wasn't crazy, was exactly the reason why he is crazy. He was so kind to me in a way no one had ever been before. The best I'd get before was ignored. Maybe he couldn't see all the reasons to stay away like everyone else did. I put my busy mind to rest, not wanting to admit that Jack and I might both be crazy. 

~

Soon, it was bathroom day again. We followed the routine as Jack and I headed to opposite stalls of the restroom. I heard him finish up before me and head out. He usually doesn't finish so quickly, but I thought nothing of it. I finished my shower and stepped out, relieved to have the entire room to myself. 

I wrapped a towel around my torso and stood in front of the mirror. I noticed something different about the way I looked. I thought that maybe my eyes were... more focused? I really couldn't pin it down, but I was okay with it. I thought getting a cell-mate would be one of the worst things to happen here, but I learned to appreciate Jack's company. 

While I was drying off, I overheard a conversation. Jack was talking with someone who sounded like one of the vigils. It sounded surprisingly casual. 

"I just need a little more time," Jack said. At least, I think that's who said it. 

"Look, Hudges is sick of waiting. It's been weeks."

I got dressed quickly, ignoring the rest of the conversation. I came out of the restroom quickly so as to interrupt them. I know I should have stayed hidden for just a few minutes more and listened. This strange talk could have answered some of my question, but I was scared to know the truth. I thought that if I found out anything remotely bad about Jack, I would undo all our progress. So, I decided to keep things the way they were and accept Jack as normal. 

Jack seemed startled when I abruptly came out into the hall. We traded glances as the guards signaled for us to follow. I don't think the guards suspected I was listening at all, but Jack seemed concerned somehow. 

When we returned to the cell he looked at me for a second then casually said, "You took longer than usual."

"Oh, I was just talking advantage of the extra space since you finished so quickly today."

He nodded, unconvinced, and sat on his bed. I was worried he knew I heard. If he still seemed this concerned later then I'd really be worried about him. Before, I just thought he was crazy, but now maybe he's in cahoots with the guards. 

I wanted my brain to shut up. It kept pulling me all sorts of different, extreme directions. I couldn't decide if he was crazy, evil, or on my side. I was also angry at myself. He has done nothing but help me since he got here. He didn't deserve my suspicion. I decided that if I really wanted to know about the real Jack and his past, that I should just ask. 

"Jack, I'm sorry if this is sudden, but... why were you arrested?" He was visibly surprised by my question and hesitated to answer. 

"I-I killed someone," he struggled to say. I didn't want to goad him on about it, but he must've sensed that I was a little freaked out by his answer because he kept talking as if to console me.

"I was in our garage one day and I don't know why, but my brother attacked me. He came at me with a knife. I dodged his blows and grabbed a crowbar we had lying on the floor. I hit him too hard. Cracked his skull open. I shouldn't have. He was probably high out of his mind or something. I should've kept dodging, I was faster than him. My brother would still be alive if..." Jack struggled to keep going. I didn't want to cause him anymore pain. I try signaling to him that he didn't have to keep explaining himself to me, but he let out one more thought. 

"They thought I was the one who attacked him, thought I was nuts. So now I'm here." I could tell Jack was being sincere and I felt bad for him. No one believed him and now he's spending the rest of his life in here. I couldn't help but move closer to him. 

"Doesn't that make you angry? Shouldn't you fight harder for your freedom?"

"That's not how things work anymore. Get enough hammers to think you're guilty, it's over." Hammers are what people called a vigilante group orchestrated by the government. I didn't realize things had gotten so bad with them. 

"I don't think your crazy, Jack. I believe you." He smiled at me weakly, probably lamenting his old life. 

"I miss him." I was surprised to hear him say this. I thought he would be angry at his brother for ruining his life, but he was really grieving him. 

"What was his name?"

"Jason."

"I like that name. You're a good person Jack. I admire your strength."

"Thanks, Anne." 

I let go of the topic. Soon, we were just talking about random things, like what we remembered of the outside world. Things continued like this for some time. I enjoyed his company and I think he enjoyed mine. There was nothing left to say. I decided to completely trust Jack. No more doubts. If only it had stayed that way.