My Cold Days

Ch. 11

Jack and I had eventually developed a routine. I felt much more comfortable talking with him now than before. I thought about how unfortunate it was that Jack had lost two siblings so tragically. Despite that, he always had an impeccable attitude. That's probably why I answered him without question.

One day, Jack and I were just sitting around. He was about to engage in his routine workout when he turned to me. His eyes brightened as though he just thought of the best plan. 

"Hey, Anne. Come here," He waved for me to come in his direction.

"Why, exactly?" I was hesitant because I could tell he was planning something. However, I was convinced and sat by his side. 

"Do this with me." He started doing pushups and I started laughing. 

"What makes you think I can even do a pushup?" 

"You got to at least try." 

I rolled my eyes and assumed the plank position. He probably thought this would be fun to do. Truth be told, I was a little nervous given that the most exercise I had gotten in the past 1,423 days was a quick walk down the hall. I knew I was weak. As soon as I started moving down, my arms gave out and I  slammed my chin on the stone floor. Jack immediately darted to my side.

"Are you okay? Oh no, your chin is bleeding."

"It's fine," I tried to convince him. He ripped off a piece of his shirt and held it to my chin to stop the bleeding. He moved closer to me as he checked to see if the bleeding has finally stopped. Once again, like we had found ourselves twice before, his face was mere inches away from mine. He slowly lowered his arm to his side as he realized how close he was. We stared at each other for what seemed like hours, when really, this was a moment frozen in time. The distance between us kept diminishing until virtually nothing was between us. This time, however, I didn't pull away. I was ready. What I didn't expect, though, was for Jack to pull away. He realized the awkward ambience he had just created. 

Without looking at me he spoke, "Anyway, your chin looks fine." 

"Thanks," I mumbled, disappointed.  Probably wanting to avoid another awkward encounter, Jack took advantage and asked me a question. This question was one I never expected him to ask. Looking back, I realize how natural it was, considering how much I prodded him about it before. 

"Anne, why were you arrested?" I was taken aback when he first let these words escape his lips. He must have realized that this question made me uncomfortable. "It's okay if you won't want to talk about it."

"No," I responded cooly. "It's alright. I'm just not sure how to explain it." 

"Take your time." I caught him looking at me again. Concern seemed to flood eyes, though he was curious at the same time. I reminded myself who he was and how vulnerable he has been with me. I felt like I needed to return the same the feeling. 

For the first time in over 1,423 days, I would share my story. After more than 1,423 days I willingly dove into the past for details. After more than 1,423 days, I'd let myself trust someone else. No where in my mind did I think it would be a mistake. After all, I hadn't doubted Jack in weeks. To me, we were the same. We were both here for things we couldn't control. So, I forced myself to speak and Jack finally learned the truth.

"Before I start, I just want you to know that I never wanted any of what I did to happen. I never wanted anyone to get hurt. In the end, I just couldn't help it." Jack took my hand and squeezed it. I like how I no longer needed to fear his touch. After looking at his hand, I quickly glanced up and we made eye contact. I knew his eyes were telling me that it was okay, that he'd believe me no matter what and not judge me. I continued.