Lost and Found

chapter 5

Heyyy! So i have regained my mojo and this story is going to start getting good now. (I promise). Now that we met our extremely hot and sweet boy jason ;)

Please comment/fan/vote if you like my story! Thank you so much for reading! :)

Alrighty thats all for now! Enjoy!!!

Love you all

~~~Emily~~~

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Jason hasnt spoken to me since our encounter two weeks ago and i couldnt help but feel defeated and alone. I was actually hoping he would care about me and pay attention to me but i should have known better. I was the quiet girl that no one bothered to look at and i figured once the school had better news then my moms death i would go back to being invisible and apparently sarah hooking up with some foreign exchange student in the girls bathroom was big enough for me to fall back into my invisible state. Usually i wouldnt have minded because i hated the stares that i got in the hallways and all the whispers that burned through my shield making me exposed and weak, but i was actually enjoying the attention jason gave me even if it was only for a day. But i should have known it was too good to be true, and that it was.

I started to feel alone and misunderstood. No one was ever there for me and my so called best friends were too busy with high school drama to notice how different i was acting. I tried to get their attention and willed them to ask me to open up my deep wounds and release the toxins i built up in my body, but they never did. It took them weeks before they noticed the change in me and by that point it was already way to late to go back.

The guilt from my moms accident and the lonliness i felt were built up so high i couldnt escape the pain they afflicted. I didnt have anyone to talk to so i turned to what i thought was the only way to release the posionous feelings inside of me. I started drinking. Sure, i was in high school and everyone did but i had made it into such a habit i was suprised my dad didnt notice the cases of beer missing from the fridge every night. And yeah, it was cases everyday. The more i drank the more i felt the pain drown and die down. Of course, the relief was only temporary and the hangovers were bad enough to bring back the pain i had released causing me to drink more. It was an endless cycle and i just wasnt getting the much needed relief i craved.

The alcohol wasnt doing what i needed so i turned to drugs. A bunch of kids at my school do them and they seemed to not have a care in the world so if it worked for them i though it must work for me. I started with weed because everyone i talked to said it was the cheapest thrill. When i smoked it i felt on cloud nine but just like the alcohol it wore off leaving me wanting more. Unlike the beer i had at my dispense, i had to go out and buy the drugs with my own money and it was expensive. Soon enough i found myself so low and addicted i was buying any drugs i could get my hands on even going as far as stealing and doing sexual favors to get my high. I was doing all the drugs anyone could imagine. Weed, meth, oxy, shrooms, herion, coke, crack. You name it i smoked it. My body went through so many deadly withdrawals and lucky for me i ran out of money before i ran out of breathes and rebounds. All the dealers around town said i had a strong body to be surviving for this long with all the drugs i was using. I wasted all the college money i had saved since i was 6 to go to yale on my drug usage and still didnt feel any better.

I never had the guts to end my life though. As horrible and low as i felt i was such a wimp and coward i never had the courage to kill myself and save everyone in the world from a pathetic person like myself. I felt guilty that i, a waste of precious space and air, got to continue living while amazing angels in heaven had their lives ended. I did have the strength to hurt myself though. I knew nothing would make me feel better so i resorted to making myself feel worse and hoping i would eventually become numb. I began cutting myself to release the disgust my blood contained for myself. I felt cold, and had no feelings. I couldnt feel pain at a certain point and it was as if i wasnt living but watching someone elses life from outside there body. It was a strange feeling but i felt no pain anymore.