A Love For Darkness

Jude

I knew this would happen to me eventually. With my past I knew there was no escape even in death. Not that I was much of a believer up until the end.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

There are very few moments in our lives that truly stick with us. Embedding themselves into every fiber of our beings. They can mold our future, change the direction that even we never intended.

There are also more dangerous, darker ones, and if allowed they can control your every move. Because it's the darkness, that is so seducing, not even smallest break of light can combat it.

But there is a first time for everything. Coming to America was a means to an end. The end was, as it so often is, a woman.

A woman with a penchant for destruction. My own and hers. And the moment we met my life shifted, variables changed. Only I didn't know it, but it was over for me.

She was the light that could hold my darkness. She fought her way through my battered armor.

It started with secrets and lies that begat tragedy and sin. The messengers of carnage and disorder. The basic forms of evil. They speak without words.

They can tell a story without trying to.

And this is mine.

•••

Good men hide behind the facade of self control. They build walls to keep the monsters inside. Never showing the true darkness beneath it. They let them shrivel and die away, until it's nothing but a afterthought.

I'm not a good man. The darkness inside me is not restrained or buried. It lies just beneath my surface, hidden under a mask of false hope. It's not a mask that came from darkness but became it, in the pursuit of justice. Justice that was not given.

They had failed me.

My vengeance became a righteousness in a flawed world. Making my mask that of a predator. Lethal and perceptive. Allowing me to get closer until it's time to strike.

Stalking my prey is only half the fun. The black coldness in my heart drives me to the depth of my depravity. Once I lift the veil, my mask is broken and all my victims see nothing but darkness.

It's primal. Instinctive. And never wavering. One would think it's a desirous nature. A nature that takes and demands payment. In what form the payment was offered depended solely on my prey.

We're born to die. It's inevitable. I'm not afraid to die, when I do it will be a release for me. A way to leave behind the pain and darkness.

I've been at the hands of death more than I've cared to admit. Seen them reach the point of accepting they're going to die. Watch as they take one last breath. And their bodies give way to what comes after.

Life isn't guaranteed to anyone, not when I'm around.

I'm an outcast among many. We fake it. It draws us in. It's the absolution that has me yielding. Keeping my darkest desire at bay.

I tapped my thighs eagerly as I watch my prey from across the room, as she floated from one customer to the next. So calm, so at ease. If she only knew what was in store for herself.

I hated waiting, it had something to do about my life being at a standstill that made me uneasy. But I wouldn't have to wait much longer.

She would fall and like a fly in my spiders web, she'd be trapped and under my mercy. If I gave her any. I think of her life as it is. Her beating heart. The blood pumping through her veins

I gaze at her one last time before I navigate through the crowd and outside. She'll be easy to deal with. It's her father I need to be wary of. He's smart but I'm smarter. They'll never know what hit them. Not until I leave behind my masterpiece. I won't have any errors.

I've never had trouble maintaining a balance. The only ones I've ever encountered were by the hands of fate. These I considered unavoidable. And I won't start with them.

I climb into my car and give one last look at my new asset. And I will rule her like a dominion. As I head through the city, I glance at the people. They are a far cry different from my homelands.

I feel out of place. Grandfather warned me of this. Warned me not to do this. But I can't stop till it's finished. Until I feel the debt has been paid.

Until the truth is found and broadcast.

I've sold my soul to the devil, now nothing but darkness resides inside now. My heart still beats but it's black to core. I'm the angel of death. Call me the harbinger of pain. I reap and my enemies sows.

And I'll make sure they all feel it before I'm done.

I enter my empty apartment and sit in the dark, thinking of emerald green eyes and lush cocoa brown hair. And how wonderful it will be to see her pain. Only it was her pain that lead me to the moment I'm in right now.

My head is on fire, when a laugh brings me back to the present.

He smiles wickedly, rubbing his gray colored hands together.

"Now, you see. You are mine. You have been the moment you let the pain take over."

His voice is deep and foreboding. Not all what I expected, I didn't think he existed. Which means if he does then God does.

"You weren't much of a believer, not many humans are theses days. Which means my business is up to almost one hundred percent."

"This is real?" I ask, unsure if I am having a drunken dream or high on some kind of drug.

A cackle crosses his black lips. "I'm real. This is real. Shall I show you what you're in store for?"

In a instant I'm transported to a place with no walls but it has miles and miles of darkness, there is a faint light in the distant and soft screams that echo around us. It's feels like my chest is going to cave in, and a unmanageable amount of heat licks my skins like it's drinking in water.

But I shiver. This must be hell.

"This is where I take all my beginners. But you're not truly a beginner are you?"

He hums in a pleasing manner.

"No. You've tortured a good amount of humans haven't you? You'll be a good candidate for this kind of job."

"Job?" I ask helplessly.

He nods, "Come let me show you the ways. But first we must visit your past, see through their eyes and feel everything."

I have no choice but to follow this man. No, he's not a man. He's a fallen angel, one I gave my soul away to long ago.

I'm paying for my sins. And wishing I was back with my crocodile eyes, alive. But it's seems I'm dead and in hell. I laugh inwardly, vowing that I would get out of here one day.

And back to her.