A Love For Darkness

On A Tuesday

Tate:

According to the American Heart Association and their studies, the number one killer of women is heart disease.

It has nothing on love.

It's a disease too. It breaks. Crushes. Annihilates hearts. It can taint your heart. Harden it, creating a dank vestibule, leaving behind the dust of its deeds.

As it happens, my case has to undoubtedly do with a man. That's where my troubles began. I put my faith into someone who didn't deserve it.

I looked at the dark circles under my eyes and cursed myself for ever letting him in. I knew deep down that the man was bad news. He was just too beautiful for words. And what made it worse is that he knew it.

Where his cocky attitude used to turn me on, now it just made me sick. I could feel tears wanted to form at the back of my eyes. I blinked rapidly. Warning them to stay away.

He doesn't deserve your tears. He deserves your wrath. Your hate. You let him inside of you. He broke through your barrier as if it was made of glass.

He shattered any belief in the opposite sex. Any belief in love.

Love. Is a cruel joke.

I laugh for the first time in weeks. It's not laughing matter though. How can men just pick up like nothing ever happened? Like they were never with you, held you. Kissed you.

Loved you?

You were nothing but a mere blimp on their radar. A ship in passing. At first glance intriguing. The need to know more controlling their every move. The breaking of barriers makes for a good chase.

The chase is all fun and games. But once you're captured, it all falls apart. This is when their true nature is revealed. You're vulnerable to the game then.

Because you're hooked. With the line and sinker. One tug and you're pulled under, drowning. The water cascading over you as you sink deep into their abyss.

I don't think I'll ever trust another man as long as I live, excluding my family. It's a funny thing. My entire life I've been surrounded by men. Great men. Men capable of loving someone other than themselves.

I keep asking myself, why is it that I can't find one guy to treat me like I should be treated? I figure it's some kind of cosmic karma coming back to bite me in the ass for some deed that I've done. A deed that I'm clueless to.

I'm not saying I'm a saint but I treat others as I want to be treated. But that doesn't mean I'm a pushover either. Tempers run high in my family and I'm no different. I'm on the verge of becoming a cat lady. At least that's what Jesse tells me.

Jesse is my closest confidant and brother, the other three are overbearing add in a overprotective father, we're not the Brady Bunch. But they are everything to me. We've been almost inseparable since I was a kid.

Until he came along.