A Love For Darkness

Tate

Up until today I've had a pretty good existence. Now, I believe that the universe is out to nail me. To squeeze every bit of life out of me. And it was all happening the week before the anniversary.

I've only had two life altering moments in my twenty four years alive. Once when I was nine, then again at nineteen. Now, I'm on my third, it's seems that every ten years I get the shock of my life. You'd think I'd be used to that by now. But each time, I'm taken by surprise.

Despite my age there's only a few things that I've figured out so far. And the biggest one is that I've come to the conclude is that all my problems have started from men. With men. How you might ask? I could chalk it up to bad decisions and mistakes. Maybe I was at wrong place at the wrong time.

Or as my brother Jesse has said to me on many occasions, is that I am attracted to the wrong type of man. The type of man that women flock to.

I knew why women were drawn to him.

Many women couldn't look past Cole. Not that I blamed them. Cole was hardworking, sweet and honest. He performed random and sometimes anonymous acts of kindness, and treated people with benevolence. He adopted one of the ugliest looking dogs I've ever seen.

Cole, was, in a nut shell gorgeous, has the kind of looks that made breathing impossible. I remember once going jogging with him in the early hours of the morning, when a collision occurred at an intersection we had just crossed mere seconds before.

And being the guy he is, Cole offered to help, and despite their accident, the two women involved only seemed interested in him. They told the officer on the scene that they hadn't seen the other. I'm sure that part is true. They were paying attention all right. Attention to the way those shorts were molded to his ass.

And sometimes when we entered a restaurant, the people around us would stare and fall silent as we sat down. No woman alive could remain unaffected by Coles looks.

Was it his dark as midnight hair, chocolate eyes framed by long thick eyelashes? It helped that he had a strong, clean bone structure. Perfect white teeth to go along with a boyish smile, that made him look almost innocent.

Almost.

Cole knew he was beautiful, one couldn't look like that and not be aware of the effect he had on others. But somehow, he never flaunted it. He was usually very humble.

He was almost always impeccably dressed. Not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in his outfit. I joked that he was too uptight or anal about his appearance.

He didn't like the comment. But it was the truth. As was how much I hated the attention women gave him. It made me feel irrelevant. Especially whenever I was in his presence. The eyes that roamed over him. Some women even made sure that he knew they were available, if he needed something better. Their words. Not mine.

To them, I either didn't exist or I simply wasn't good enough to be seen with him. Half the time, I secretly agreed with them. But he always assured me of his commitment to us. But I didn't have any illusions about myself. I knew I was nice, smart, caring and funny. A fine woman and friend. Or so I kept hearing.

In terms of my physical appearance, I was tallish, for a woman. I wasn't fat or skinny but somewhere in between. I have long, lank hair that I pull up into a ponytail more often than not.

Though if I had to pick one feature that I did appreciate more than I let on, it would be my eyes. Their blue color was unusual. My father said they were a blend of light and dark. People always commented on them.

I knew I had to make the most of what I had. While I didn't consider myself a ugly duckling, I wasn't exactly a swan. But rather ordinary. Thinking of my attributes made me think of his, those beyond his appearance. And how honest was he really? Because someone out there thought he wasn't as honest as he'd like me to think.