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11: Really Cut-Throat Man

last upload for a  long while as my laptop is really messed up & i have to quit nano.

11: Really Cut-Throat, Man

            Benny has a victim complex. He may as well have a target printed on his back, waiting for the next blow to arrive and they get stronger with every hit, holding more power to break down the already weak wall he has built around himself. It’s been there ever since I met him, and it’s only seemed to have gotten worse as time goes on. It doesn’t help at all when there are so many people that dislike him, Charlie for example, who can’t even stand the sight of him, and when we were together, would continuously question why we let someone like him into our home and why he only ever came to talk to my Dad, like everyone in the house was of no importance, which Charlie found just plain rude. I feel sorry for Benny when I watch him get teased in school, everyone mentioning the rumour of him giving Amy Vancouver crabs after she slept with him for a dare, set by Adrienne herself with a gleam in her eyes, the kind where she was out for blood, and would get it in any means that had to be done.

            In all the time I’ve known him, he’s never snapped. Supposedly, when someone is bullied and harassed like he is, there comes a line when that last insult or push into the lockers is their breaking point, and all of that vulnerability and the fear is replaced with a hot fury with revenge. I’ve read about the kind of stuff that happens when the bullied breaks and wants to get even with the bully, and it’s never just a shout or a firm stop or even a punch, it’s always some kind of drastic measure. I heard about some kid who shot his bully and almost did the same to his sister before getting put in prison, and that’s the kind of stuff I’m scared about happening to Benny, but it may be worse. He’s been sitting on years of the same treatment, and I wonder when he’ll finally snap.

            Adrienne was his biggest tormentor, along with Devin Hill. Since Devin has died it’s as though everyone has forgotten that Devin wasn’t as angelic as everyone tries to make her out to be, she was ruthless, she was cruel and her and Adrienne ruled over everyone in Brook Hill, in some kind of way. They dictated everything, the friendship groups, the relationships, where people sat in the cafeteria. They were the worst kind of evil -- together -- ever imaginable, because there was a face behind all of it, the smiles when Benny would break down in tears, or when Zooey Baker would request days off at a time to recover from their latest attack. But it was never done by them though, never would they taint their perfect school record or bring shame to their families, Amy Vancouver, the step down from the throne she wanted to sit in, was their little bitch, running the errands and doing the dirty work.

            Adrienne left school two days after a particular event concerning Benny, which spread throughout the entire town and had parents rushing down to the school in an outrage that such things were being allowed to happen in a place that was claiming to keep their children safe. It was massacre, and her head was wanted on a stick, it was just a shame she was nowhere to be found, rumoured to be living it up in Cali with one of the numerous friends she seemed to have had. The whole ordeal of her leaving made everyone breathe a little easier, no more glances over your shoulder when walking between lessons, and in the summer bridging the gap between sophomore and junior year, I saw Benny smile a real, light up your face, eyes crinkling at the corners, gums on show, kind of smile, and it warmed my heart a little bit at the sight.

            Benny doesn’t ring the doorbell this Sunday morning requesting to talk to my Dad, so after letting Graham, Hilton and Ricky into the house, wiping sleep and dried mascara out of my eyes after arriving back late last night, I summon Byron from his rousing sleep, struggling to get him back to the living as he’s tossing and turning in a restless sleep which is feeding him nightmares again, and then we sit around the table, waiting for breakfast to be served. Opposed to last night, Byron is genuinely smiling at something Graham is saying about the girl who was drinking the martini and sitting at the table next to us, and how much he’d love to bed her but she seemed, “really cut throat, man, she wasn’t interested in anybody,” not mentioning the fact that her girlfriend arrived after dinner was served and that answered any questions that the males who were turned down had.