Yoongi stood completely still in his new cheap flat. The smell of alcohol entered his nose and filled the room.
He sat on his bed that hadn't been slept on in days. He flicked on the lighter and stared at the flame.
He always felt a connection to fire. It was so silent and still but could be crazy and out of control. Like him.
He ran his fingers through his blush-coloured hair and groaned.
Why? Why did Jin have to leave him? He had never really been an affectionate person but he would tell them how much they meant to him occasionally but he wish he said it more.
Everyone went their own ways after his death. They all acted like Jin in one way or another. It was too much.
He thought about J-Hope. He knew he was probably struggling. He had heard he was taking drugs. That added to the sadness inside him.
He then thought about V. He had struggled with an abusive father and Jin was basically his father. He was probably struggling as well.
They were all probably struggling and he was wallowing in his own self pity. Then he remembered Jimin on the day of his death.
He called them with his voice quaking and he was sobbing. When they announced it Jimin cried historically. He was trembling and shaking and screaming out. He was worried about Jimin.
He wasn't their for any of them enough. He thought about all the things he could of done to help Jin and he yelled out once again. He felt useless.
He looked at the wall with a pictures of him and the friends he adored so much. They were all pulling stupid faces and being the idiots he loved. He pulled it of the wall and looked at it. Tears fell but not a single sob was heard.
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He thought about death. Then he thought about how much better death would be. Then he thought about burning the flat with him in. It held too many memories.
He laid on his back and looked at the ceiling with his hand resting on his stomach. He yelled out again then ran out the door. He reached the gas station his hyung worked at then went in and bought a bottle of petrol.
He turned around and smiled at his hyung who was looking at him with sad eyes. He smiled with his signature dimples then Suga jogged home.
He poured petrol everywhere as the strong fume burnt his nostrils. He hesitated to pick up his lighter but after a solid minute he did.
He flicked it on and starred at the flame for a while. He thought about everything he had said, everything he had done. He thought about the time he got really drunk and fought Jungkook. He yelled out again thinking of the pain he caused.
He wasn't scared of the death awaiting him. He had been ready for it since Jin died. Deep, deep down he knew this wasn't what Jin would want but he couldn't handle the pain anymore.
He had done so many bad things in his life and he hated himself for it but he hated himself most for letting Jin go. He threw the lighter into a puddle of gasoline and let the flames burst out.
After 10-15 seconds the whole room was engulfed in flames. He stood up and looked down at his feet. The flames hadn't reached him yet but his face was burning up from the intense heat. Sweat trickled down his forehead as the heat got closer and hotter.
Then the flames hit him. It reached the bottom of his jeans which set a light then it continued up his body until his clothing was completely on fire but he didn't move or flinch. He just accepted his death and stood there.
His last thought was simple but special. 'Forgive me, All I want is to be united with in. I hope the best for the boys I love so much and I hope they can find new happiness.'
Then he saw a bright light and with that he with that he was gone.
