The Consequences Of...

19.

"Are you sure they won't be home anytime soon?" He asks. "I'm sure" I say. "Wow" he says getting a first glance at the inside of my house. "It's so....empty" he says. "Yeah, we don't have allot of furniture" i say. We just stand there, next to each other in the front hallway. He seems uncomfortable. But not unhappy. "There's no pictures" He says. "Yeah"

"It's pretty cold"

"There's probably a window open somewhere"

"Where's your sister?"

"Friends house"

Small talk was never something i was good at, but Simon seemed really on edge. "Are you okay?" I ask. "I'm fine, just...hungry" He says. I laugh a ;little. "Come on" I say walking into our kitchen. it wasn't so empty, just not so full. "It is really cold in here" he says. I nod.

"Snacks?" I say handing him some pretzels. "Don't like them" he says handing them back. "im fine, let's just go hang out" he says.




We sit in my room and talk about movies and music and nothing that really matters and it feels good. It feels good to just...talk. "do you have anything other than pretzels?" he asked after a while. He looks tired. "We have gummy vitamins." I say. He laughs a little and searches for them in the kitchen. "They taste weird" he says stuffing and handful of them into his mouth. "Don't eat so many! you'll OD on gummy vitamins"

"I don't think you'll get sick from too many vitamins"

"I think you will" I argue. We laugh at each other for a minute as I try to swipe the jar of gummies from his hand. "Simon!" I nearly shout. "Yes Edith!" he shouts back. I laugh again in response. "I like shouting your name Edith" he makes me laugh harder and suddenly were both on the kitchen floor laughing until we can't breathe.




"Do you remember that kid Will that you were pretty mean to a little while back?w I ask finally. "Yeah" Simon tries to hide that fact that his shoulders tensed up. "Well I think he's lonely"

"So you wanna be with him so he's not lonely anymore?" Simon asked looking at me. He catches me off guard with that question. "No way, I just thought we should ask him to hang out sometime so he can make some friends" I say. Just Simon shakes his head.

"Too risky" he states straight ahead and won't look at me.

"Risky how?" I say a but angry.

"Risky as in I saw how he looked at you and I don't want him looking at you again".




There was that protectiveness again. It wasn't always annoying, but it was a bit scary. not that Simon would ever hurt me, but it scares me when he uses that rule enforcing voice. It makes me feel small.

"Sorry. I just thought we'd be nice to him".

"Being nice get you very far" he says. "I guess you're right" I say thinking about that. How does being nice not get you far?

I'm not really sure what I should be thinking at this point. Is it okay to disagree with your boyfriend like this?




Simon was asleep about an hour later. We we're cuddled together in my bed and he's snoring softly on my shoulder. I never want to move, but I do have to pee. Why does this have to be so complicated? I just want to cuddle for once without finding a reason to move.

Finally I give in to the urge and slowly get up without waking Simon.




I walked out of the bathroom moments later to find my phone ringing too loudly. "Hello?"

"Mousy it's Curtis. Is Simon there?"

Curtis' happy voice rang out. I could hear his smile through the phone

"Hi Curtis. He's sleeping, what do you need?" I ask.

"Just tell him to call me" Curtis says in a forces happy voice and hangs up the phone. I want to wake Simon up, but I feel like something's going on and I have and urge to go to his house and find out. So I write him a note




Simon,

went for a walk.

Thinking of you

As always

-Edith.




Sweet and Simple. Simon isn't much of a note person anyway, I think as I walk out the door. He'll find me if he wakes up.




His house is empty, for a afternoon that's pretty strange for a Saturday. Some one has to be here. I walk up to Simons room and sit on his bed and think about how's strange and kind of special it was that he was on my bed and I was on his. His bed dresser contained his glasses, a few CDs, and his little box full of colored contacts. I open the box and look at the different colors, animal eyes and monster eyes.




At the bottom of the box was a slip of paper with the word 'Mouse' on it in small letters.

It was a note written to me. But not in the form of a letter. His handwriting was scribbled and the thoughts on paper seemed scrambled. The note was dated, the same Friday of the party, it felt like weeks ago I sat here at that party and refused to tell Simon my name. Now I could hardly remember why I said no.

I read through the note.




"That's why you've never gotten close to anybody. You don't want a connection, something to hold you back or make you think twice. You don't want a root. You don't want something keeping you here, well you know what? You are the only thing keeping you here, you have trapped yourself in a lonely little world. Even if you leave you'll never really go. And if you do go, you will have no one here to come after you"




Three times I read through the note. I was wrong I suppose. Simon is a note person.

I crumble up the paper. That's why, I know why I didn't want to tell him my name. I know why I didn't want to get close to him. And now I know that I might have been right.