The Day I Met Diane

Chapter 6 - The Sorrow Drowning Substance for Hitting Fuck It

Later that day Ella and her family went back home. She went back to her room, and sat at her desk. She placed her arms on the desk and then let her head fall over them. She didn't know what she was feeling. It could be love or hate for all she knew. She was new to this game of emotions.

Her brain went on temporary shutdown when, suddenly, she received a message. She unlocked her phone and read it.

Diane Jones

- Hey, can you talk?

- Sure, why?

- James just texted me asking me out.

Ella's brain froze and heart her fell to the ground.

"What the fuck were you thinking!? That he miraculously wasn't gonna ask her out?"

Even with this inner dialogue, she couldn't stop feeling bad, as irrational as that seemed to her.

- Are you interested?

Ella nervously typed. 

- I think so... But do you think it is going to make things weird? I mean, in the group.

In that moment, Ella could go back with everything, but there was something inside her that just told her. She couldn't. She wouldn't spoil that for her friends.

- I don't think so. I think you should just do what you want. If you want to go out on a date with James, go.

- God, you're the best Ella. I gotta go, bye 

- Bye

Ella put her phone down and went to have dinner with her family. After that she simply fell asleep and hoped for the next day to be a little better.

She woke up the next day with Will jumping on the corridor. He was gonna go do a group project in his friend's house. She slowly crawled out of her bed and went with her head down to the kitchen. Every scream from either her mom or her brother was like a knife to the head and the light coming out of every window was blinding. She grabbed a bowl and filled it to the top with chocolate cereal. 

"Look Ella, your mother is gonna take your brother to his friend's house and then she has to go to the mall to buy groceries. I am going to take your sister to visit a university and we are only gonna be back after dinner time. You are gonna be alone for the whole day so no more than two friends in the house and nothing broken or out of place." Her dad said.

Ella nodded and watched as her whole family as they got out of the door. She was alone. And it felt good. She wanted to marinate in her present state of grief and be a sad teenager without anyone there to witness it. Because if anyone saw it, it would definitely damage her usual badass demeanour. 

She took her bowl of calories to her room and ate it to the sound of City of Stars from La La Land. This was gonna be a long day.

She put on her most comfortable sweater and gym pants on and hid under the sheets of her bed. She than watched Titanic. After that was lunch time. She put some instant noodles on the microwave and then took them to her bed where she ate them while watching Call me by Your Name. After crying a river over the movie she went out and bought the biggest bucket of ice cream she could find. She went back home where she compulsively put huge spoons of the sorrow drowning substance on her mouth while watching Edward Scissorhands.

After all of that she heard someone knocking on the door. She went to look through the whole and saw Margot standing on the other side.

"Hey, Mar. What are you doing here?"

"Hey Ells, I came to check on you."

"Check on me? Why?" Ella asked, confused and slightly afraid.

"You haven't been on WhatsApp since last night, I texted you five times and got no answer or sign that you were alive."

Ella sat down with relief. For a moment she thought that it might be something else. That Margot had figured it out.

"Also, Diane is about now getting picked up by James so I figured you'd be a wreck. I brought Ice cream but by the stains around your mouth and sweater I believe I was late to that." Said Margot placing her hand on her best friends shoulder and looking down on her alarmed expression.

"Fuck....how does she know?"

"What!? Did you actually think that I hadn't picked up on you crush? Oh Ella.... how disappointing. Of course I have. I just figured that if you needed to talk you would talk to me!"

Ella got up and embraced her best friend in a strong hug. Without even noticing, a silent tear came out of her eyes.

"I'm sorry Margot, I was just.."

"Afraid, I know. I mean, I figured. I don't blame you Ella. And by the way, what you did was a pretty amazing thing. Not a lot of people would have nor the balls nor the gut to do what you did. You are a good friend." Margot said, combing her friends hair with gentle moves and trying to calm her down with her free arm.

"Ho..how did you find out?" Ella said, confused yet again.

"I was talking to Connor who had been talking to James and he told me everything. I then checked the story with James himself. Then Diane texted me to help her choose an outfit for the date. After putting all the clues together I assumed you would be well in your way to hit fuck it. And you know I would never let you hit fuck it by yourself."

The two friends sat in Ella's bed eating more and more ice cream and talking shit about their lives. After half and hour Ella's smile was back on and her common state of happiness had been replenished. In that moment she knew she would never, or actually, could never hide anything from Margot. Or actually maybe the right way to put it would be, she should never hide anything from Margot.