conceal | ryden

[05]

ryan

brendon was by my locker. i could see his bowed head, and i had no idea how the fuck he had known it was mine. pete probably, the asshole. i guess it's time to tell patrick something about pete.

after changing quickly- i hate the school showers and would rather use pete's- i tapped brendon on the shoulder and gestured for him to follow me. which he did, thank god.

"brendon."
that sounded way too blunt and i rushed to correct myself.
"hi!" i tried instead. which just made me sound like an idiot. i give up.
brendon seemed to understand, however, and smiled up at me encouragingly.
"can i talk to you?" i asked him stupidly.
he smirked. "that's what i thought we were doing, but sure."
"you know what i mean."
he glanced down for a minute, eyelashes fanning out along his cheekbones.

"so, ah, uh, don't interrupt me please, because this is hard enough to say as it is and basically i really like you? even though we've talked like three times maximum but i've seen you around a lot and oh my god, it's perfectly fine if you don't have the same feelings and if you just want to be friends- we are friends right? but i thought it would be better to tell you face to face and i've seen you around so much and i really, really like you, so please, if you're going to reject me- god you might not even be gay or bi or whatever- please reject me kindly, mainly because i'm sensitive and also very sorry."
i finished my little rant, blood dribbling down my chin. something was mixing with it. my tears. i didn't realise i was crying, and i sniffled halfheartedly. now i looked like some pathetic wimp.
i don't cry often.

instead of rejecting me, he stood on his tiptoes to kiss my temple, carefully avoiding my bruised eye. i sighed into his touch, and he laced our fingers together. i leaned forwards slightly, and he got the idea, resting our foreheads together.
"it's my turn to talk now," brendon whispered, low and soft. i simply nodded, worn out from the game.

"i've liked you for what seems like forever. i'm basically screaming inside, and i'm about ninety percent sure that this is a dream. i really like you too, ryan ross, and the last thing i will ever do is reject you. of course we are friends; and if you want to be something more, it would be amazing. i'm willing to wait, if you're not ready for anything, but i'll always be here. i promise. pete's coming over this way now, so i'm going to go, but i'll text you. take care; we can work this out tomorrow. get some rest, you look exhausted," he told me, bringing our joined hands to his lips and kissing them quickly before turning and walking back to jon walker.

i felt a smile spread across my face. pete reached me and i elbowed him playfully in the ribs.
"ah, sorry, did i cockblock you?" he asks me teasingly.
"yeah, yeah you did, peter lewis."
"i hate you."
"feeling's mutual, bud."

it was almost midnight when i crept home. pete and i had gone back to his place, and, true to his word, had gorged ourselves on salted popcorn and played video games for a few hours. i knew i had to return home, even though i was dreading it. i had already skipped work today, and now i had to go home and face my father. i never understood people who called their parents 'mom' or 'dad', it seemed so informal, so much like the stereotypical 'american dream.' let's just say; i was not a part of it.

i pushed open the door- the back door, because it didn't creak- i held my breath until i could make out light snoring. tonight was a lucky night.
after texting pete that i was safe, i pushed open the door to my fathers room and sighed in contentment. i just hoped he wouldn't wake up in an hour. after pulling the duvet over him, i crossed the hallway to my room and changed before sitting crossed legged on my bed. i had an english essay due tomorrow, which i had started on saturday at pete's house, but not finished. it kept me busy for while, editing and proofreading what i already had before finishing it off.
my phone vibrated twice and i grabbed it, smiling at who it was from.

from : brendon❤️
how are u feeling?
received 01:23

to : brendon❤️
a lot better thank u so much. thanks for not like- rejecting me or anything.
sent at 01:24

to : brendon❤️
:))))) also- did pete tell u where my locker is?
sent at 01:25

from : brendon❤️
it's honestly no problem ry
i said before that i've liked u for a long time and i have, this is like a miracle for me rn
received at 01:26

from : brendon❤️
and yeah,,,,,, i got dallon to ask pete. sorry ahaha
received at 01:27

to : brendon❤️
i really like u too bren. and it's like a miracle for me too- i kept thinking; why would u like me?
sent at 01:30

to : brendon❤️
the fucker. tell patrick that he wet the bed every tuesday until he was twelve.
sent at 01:31

from : brendon❤️
??? why would i not like u ry? you're amazing. meet me after english? we should talk.
and i will do ;)
received at 01:32

that made me scared. talk about what? my heart rate sped up and my hands felt clammy. after wiping them absentmindedly on my bedcover, i replied.

to : brendon❤️
talk? talk about what?
and i'll be there.
sent at 01:34

the reply was immediate.

from : brendon❤️
relax, ry.
talk about us :))))
get some sleep, talk to you at school :)
received at 01:34

that made me feel better. i plugged my phone on to charge, opened my window and kept my laptop open just a crack so the blue light from the screen prevented my room from going completely dark.

footsteps. i held my breath, hoping that he was just going to the toilet or something- but they neared my room. i was practically hyperventilating by now, my breaths too short and too weak.
"george?" his rough voice echoed around the hallway outside of my room and i shot up in bed.
"yes sir?" was my reply, my voice wavering.
"come out here george."
he terrified me. i did as he asked.
he slammed my door shut behind me, the bang loud and frightening and alien.
"now, why did i get told by your manager that you skipped work today? he rang me up asking me if you were ill, george, which you are most clearly not."
his voice was quiet but mounting in volume, rage taunting every word he spoke. he didn't sound drunk but then again he barely did. the slur in his words didn't have to be obvious for me to know it was there.

when i didn't answer, he gripped my chin with one hand. after i still refused to reply, he let go suddenly and harshly, sending me hurtling back into my bedroom door. damn, it hurt, stung, throbbed. it felt like the back of my neck was on fire and nothing was helping. luckily i had absorbed most of the impact into my shoulder blades. it still hurt like hell, and i bit my tongue to avoid making a noise. he walked away after his anger went down, muttering something about me under his breath.

it could have been worse. i was still alive. after setting my alarm for tomorrow, i crawled back into bed and lay uncomfortably on my front.