conceal | ryden

[07]

THIS IS AT NUMBER NINE IN A TAG THAT I CANT REMEMBER thank u v much
this isn't very good bc I'm unmotivated but yknow here u go
edit- i haven't been here in like a year i'm so sorry thank u @notysm

brendon (again)

pete took one look at my face and dragged dallon away with him to give us some privacy. moments later, my phone vibrated in my pocket. i know it would be from dallon, so i ignored it.

my arm tightened around ryan's waist, and i simply waited. he'd tell me when he's comfortable. tear streaks were stark on his face, body still shuddering in the aftermath of his tears.

i wasn't really thinking, just letting my fingers wander. he flinched at first, which was vaguely upsetting, but he didn't seem to be urgent to talk about it so i left it. i let my hands drift under his hoodie, which was pulled over his knuckles and worn down near the thumb. i pressed the pads of my fingers against his ribs gently, smiling slightly as he relaxed against me. i couldn't see his face but i hoped he was smiling.

after a while, i was itching to speak. not that the silence wasn't comforting to me, but because talking would give me an excuse to stay with him longer.

"so," i prompted him, leading him to a bench and wrapping an arm around his waist in a manner that i hoped would be vaguely comforting.

"so." ryan repeated, shakily, but with a hint of a smile visible on his lips.

"are we gonna talk? you know, about us," i asked him. asking what was wrong seemed too prying, too personal, too overwhelming.

"it depends." ryan let the words hang in the air for a few seconds, chewing on his puffy lip for a few moments as he decided what to say.
"it's just that- i mean, i'd love to date you, bren, i really would, it's just-"

"it's just what?" that stung a little, especially compared to what he told me yesterday. ryan gave me what was probably supposed to be a reassuring smile, but his tear stained cheeks ruined the reassurance. 

"it's not you, i swear. god, i know i sound like a classic cliche, but i swear- it's not you. you're perfect." he looked away for a moment, fidgeting with the fraying edges of his hoodie.
"it's just- can we wait a little? you know, get to know each other properly first, instead of diving headfirst?"

i nodded. it made sense, what he was saying, and i knew i'd wait a million years if i had to, but it still felt a little like a rejection.

"talk to me, bren, please, i can see you're not happy," ryan spoke again, words close to my ear, and his hand gripping my own.

"it makes sense, i understand where you're coming from, it just feels a little-" i trailed off, realising my words sounded a little too whiny. ryan's expression was one of pure understanding.

"i know, and i'm sorry. i won't keep you waiting long, promise." ryan got up, pulled me with him, somehow knowing the exact second that the bell would ring.  he waved as he walked towards his class and i walked towards mine, and another buzz in  my pocket reminded me of the message presumably dallon had sent me earlier. at the top of my notifications sat a message;
ry👑
text me? <3

maybe waiting wouldn't be so bad.

a/n sorry this is short lol i'm working on chap 8 and 9 atm <3 love u x