Whispered Kiss

Facing Reality

This is it. Today is do or drown in a pitiful existence.

I breathed in and grabbed a bold cherry lip-gloss from my vanity. The tube still sealed. The day appeared to be an opportune time to try something different, something new, after all, today represented a fresh start. If my appearance was altered, swayed away from the fragile woman I've become, perhaps I could forget the past and find new courage for the future.

My bare feet sought out the crimson heels I placed under the chair last night. A lucky pair I hoped would provide me with the strength needed to survive the coming hours. With the familiarity hugging my feet, my mind wandered to happier days, when my energy levels busted through the roof. Back then, I would have never imagined losing my cheer, my vibrancy. I always thought of myself as a strong individual. I thought I could face anything that came my way. I imagine myself as a hard shell. Life could dent my exterior but never break it. I underestimated life.

I took a brief glance at myself. Gone were the faded shirt and slacks my daily existence consisted off. The clothes were a representative of my feelings. They spoke about my chaotic life. They spoke of the nightmare I woke-up in everyday, the never-ending nightmare which never let up, that broke me and the high hopes I held for the future. I rather wanted to lie in the abyss, than go out in to the world and face everything I missed.

I inhaled. The clothes I adored for today were foreign, they were mine once, yet they didn't fit the same. Who had I become? What happened to the real me? She didn't just hide away, she dissipated.

A light knock resided from my back.

"Ave, are you ready yet?" Dianna, my best friend and roommate, catcalled from the other side of the door. I slipped into a cotton-coloured lace cardigan and inhaled another deep breath before plucking the door open.

Dianna stood proud and tall in her marshmallow pink nightgown. She took the morning off to supervise me or rather make sure I did in fact, leave the house. To everyone who knew Dianna, she was an impenetrable force, a spitfire you didn't dare take on. Her too-honest-too-blunt mouth often shoved her straight to the dislike category. Even my own family never understood our friendship. They never understood our mutual respect, or that a part of me, apart my parents didn't often see, shared the same traits as her. I had never been the faded, quite friend everyone labelled me as. In her presence, I was boisterous, daring, and crazy. You had to get to know Dianna first before you judged her.

We tested each other. We supported each other. We stood together. We were a team, and it didn't matter to me or her if people understood it or not. More so, Dianna stood by my side through the hardest times of my life, she never gave up on me. She understood my recent change in personality and our new friendship dynamics, she knew the Ave who always shined as bright as her, died. She had plenty of chances to turn her back on me and leave, but she didn't.

"Twirl." Dianna said with a faux demand.

I complied and did a slow twirl for her. Her head bobbed in approval.

"The dress is a bit loose at the sides, but the cardigan hides most of it. I love the daring lip-gloss, and the heels accentuate your legs well." A sly smile crept onto her face, "Now, let's just hope the interviewer isn't a woman." She winked and hooked her arm into mine, dragging me away from the room and towards the stairs.

"Your obsession with seducing the opposite sex, is ludicrous, you know, that right?"

Dianna rolled her eyes and waved away my observation. "Who cares? I'm young, I'm single, and I've got all the right assets. We are wired to attract their attention, why not gain from it every so often too?"