~ Ryden Oneshots ~

Cancer (fluff / angst)

Author's Note: If you are sensitive to cancer subjects, please skip this one. I don't want you to feel bad.
Also, I cried while writing this, even more while editing it. IT IS SAD OKAY.
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  - Ry, I'm home! - Brendon called out, putting down the bags: groceries, other necessities, Ryan's medication... He sighed. It wasn't hard for him to take care of his ill boyfriend, he'd do anything for his wellbeing, but it was hard to know that there might not be much time left. Nobody was sure if Ryan will live 6 more days, 6 more months or 6 more years.
  Ryan entered the room, dragging the oxygen tank behind him, a tube attached to it, ending with the cannula in his nose. Ryan had lung cancer.
  Brendon turned around to face his boyfriend. He smiled at Ryan, who smiled back.
  Ryan was an extremely self conscious person. He was very aware of how he looked at all times. He was usually embarrased because of his appearance - so many sleepless nights, his medication, everything was taking a lot from him. He had bags under his eyes, he was underweight, his hair was short (since they gave up on experimental chemotherapy a while back), his hands were cold most of the time due to the lack of oxygen. He hated every part of it, but Brendon still thought he looked perfect. Ryan will always be perfect to him, no matter what.
  Ryan looked down, suddenly aware of his appearance. Brendon walked over to him and put a finger under his chin, lifting his face up a bit. Ryan looked at him, feeling guilty - Brendon was always doing so much for him, and he repayed with being fucking ill.
  - You're still beautiful to me, you know? I love you no matter what - Brendon said, taking Ryan's hand. His boyfriend blushed slightly, gosh, he was so cute when he blushed. Unexpectedly, Ryan pulled him into a hug. Ryan loved hugs.
  His boyfriend rested his head on Brendon's shoulder. Brendon could feel the man smiling. It was a relief - Ryan was taking the fact that he is ill very well. He was so brave.
  - How are you? - Brendon asked. He knew the true answer was negative, since things were getting worse, but he also knew that Ryan didn't want him to know.
  - I'm fine. You? - he replied. He was always "fine". Brendon knew the truth, it was always visible. But, he was glad that Ryan was giving his best to take things well, even if they were not. Ryan never gave up on himself. Brendon was proud. Extremely proud of him for getting through this, still as optimistically as currently possible.
  - I'm good. Are you sure? - Brendon said. Ryan nodded, with no honesty whatsoever. He hasn't been feeling well the whole day, and things could easily be even more complicated at night, when he is naturally exhausted. He felt tired just from standing. Brendon seemed to have noticed, because he slowly held Ryan up and sat down on the couch, holding his boyfriend in his lap.
  Ryan felt exhausted, his chest was painful, he felt like he was either about to fall asleep or pass out. He rested his head on Brendon's shoulder sleepily, wrapping arms around his beloved boyfriend. Brendon stroked Ryan's hair slowly and gently, in a peculiar way only Brendon could do. He knew Ryan loved that and so he tended to do it as often as he could, in every appropriate situation. It would always calm Ryan down when he's upset, make him feel safe, loved, cared about... Brendon just wanted to show Ryan how much love he had for him before it was too late.
  Ryan closed his eyes and breathed deeply. His skin was porcelain white (an unwanted side effect of therapy), but he was still so beautiful. So immensely beautiful from Brendon's point of view.
  - Bren? - Ryan said quietly after a bit of time.
  - Yes, honey? - Brendon replied. Ryan blushed - pet names were always a good way to make him melt inside, it never failed. Brendon smiled at his blush. It was so adorable.
  - Do you... uhm... you know... uh... d-do you ever stop believeing that I'll make it through one more day? - Ryan said shyly, embarrased with his question. Brendon felt so bad for him - Ryan was strong, but no one can always be strong enough. Everyone has breaking points. It's just that Ryan never thought it was okay if he felt emotionally weak at some moments.
  - Well, I am constantly scared of losing you, you know very well, just as I do, that things are completely unpredictable when it comes to your case. But, I've never lost hope, I've never lost my faith in you. I never, ever even thought of giving up on you. Even when it seems like you won't make it through another day, even when it seems like you won't ever see the sunlight again, I believe. And I hope. I never lose faith, I never lose hope, and I never ever give up on you - Brendon said, leaving Ryan in tears, speechless.
  Brendon kept stroking his hair calmingly, quietly shushing his cries. He hated seeing the man who he loved with his entire heart, in pain, suffering.
  - I love you so much. So goddamn much. And I'm never going to stop loving you - Brendon said.
  - B-but I'm going to d-die... - Ryan started, stuttering.
  - Do you think that matters? You are going to a better place, you're going to be happy. It does make me sad that you won't live during all of my lifetime, but I know you are going to wait for me, and then there will be our eternity. Even when you are gone, no matter how painful that is, I am not going to stop loving you. Our loved ones never leave us. The life may leave your lungs... but my heart will stay with you - Brendon finished. At this point, Ryan was openly weeping due to the overload of emotions.
  Brendon kissed the top of Ryan's head, while the ill boy was holding onto him lovingly, feeling safe. Ryan let Brendon's soft voice and warm body lull him to sleep. The rushing of Brendon's fingers through his hair, the soft, deep, calming tone of his beautiful voice, the feeling of safety his strong arms and warm chest gave... it was all so perfect. Yeah, Ryan was dying, for sure, he was going to die, but he was happy that Brendon was here. He was so lucky to have him.
  That night, Ryan fell asleep listening to the sound of his boyfriend's heartbeats. The beautiful sound that proved that Brendon was real, material, not just a fragment of his imagination.
  He was glad that it was the last sound he heard before he was gone. Before he left this world forever. And he waited. Waited for Brendon.

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I'm sorry okay I was sad.