I'm not usually one to get real deep down into their feels after a breakup but ending something after almost 8 months is fucking weird.
I don't have anyone to text daily anymore about bullshit and I realize how alone I am bc that was the only person who texted me and I fucking threw it away.
Like I don't feel the same anymore and I need to move on but it's like that one thread that won't just give up.
Anywho here's some angst bc I'm kinda upset.
"Shiro, I think we need to end things." Lance mutters, looking at the ground, not able to look Shiro in the eyes.
"W-what? Why? Lance did I do something wrong? Can we talk about this, please..?"
Shiro sounded so broken. Lance almost starts to choke up on tears, feeling the lump form in his throat.
"I-I don't feel the same, Takashi. We've be growing apart and I know you can tell. We rarely talk and when we do its just a few words. I can't handle it. I can't handle growing apart and hardly speaking anymore." Lance bites the inside of his cheek to stop the tears.
"Lance.. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be. Just- lets spend a last day together. Kisses, hugs, cuddles. I don't want to just throw everything away. All we've had its all so special."
Shiro shakes his head and allows tears to roll down his face.
"If we spend a last day together it'll make things more difficult to leave."
Lance bites his bottom lip and sighs.
"T-then I guess this is goodbye..? We need to still be friends though. For us and our friends."
"Yeah, of course."
"I'll always have a spot for you in my heart Takashi."
"Same here." Shiro smiles through the tears.
And with that Lance leaves Shiro's place. In the next week he'd have to gather his things like clothes and give Shiro's back.
It would hurt him a lot, but what else could he do?
Shiro was taking is a lot worse. His heart was aching, he was a sobbing mess on the couch.
If he only just talked to Lance more it would've been okay. It would've worked out better. They'd be sharing sleepy kisses in the morning. They'd be curled up in bed or on the couch with piles of blankets.
Everything would be okay if he would've talked. Just talked.
Made more of an effort to hang out with Lance rather than staying at work all day.
He felt so numb but also felt so many emotions at the same time.
He hated this and never wanted to go through it again.
He just wanted to be happy.
He wanted to have a life with Lance and he threw it all away because of his job.
He hated himself for it and would never forgive himself for driving the one he loved away.
Sure Lance was upset about leaving Shiro, but this is what he needed.
He needed a break away from relationships. He needed more communication with Shiro but he didn't get that.
He wouldn't blame Shiro because there was fault on both ends. They both had trouble communicating without it being one word.
Although he'd definitely miss everything they had together Lance couldn't stay.
He couldn't stay because he was breaking from being torn between thinking Shiro loved him and thinking he hated him.
It was easy for Lance to be in a relationship. He's been in a lot and they've all turned out quite badly.
He has 2 of them that will always hurt him when he thinks about them.
He hated the constant fear that he was just being played. Played as a fool and used for sex.
Played for a tool and cheated on because he wouldn't do as told.
He was cautious of relationships and hated the feeling that came when they ended but he loved the feeling when the began.
Welp uhm idk how to keep this going sorry its so short. I started crying while writing it.
But uh yeah here y'all go.
I hate my mind sometimes.
It just keeps going to all the bad places and just keeps brining up something that I just don't want to remember and its making me feel as if the room is shrinking and anytime I think of it, it feels like its happening all over again and I just hate it.
