I Became Conscious

Tuesday 8:47 am
I'm early. And excited. It's my first day at my new job. I'm not exactly sure what I
should be doing, so I move a few things around on the desk. I brought my own coffee cup, a jar of water, and a banana. The banana has a sticker saying it came from Mexico. That is quite a trip for a banana. My office is more like a bedroom. Actually, it is a bedroom. There's the bed right there. A gray and white striped linen duvet covers it. I sit at an old oak roll top desk. An array of candles on the upper shelf, as well as a birthday card. The front reads,
For Our Son
Nothing in life has been more exciting than watching you grow and mature, find your own way,
become your own person...
A set of car keys and a 2018 New Years card from "The Pistiners" propped up against the lamp to the right of the candles. The Pistiners appear to be singing karaoke in the picture on the card. They look fun. Up and to my left is a hanging lamp made from two deer antlers. Other odds and ends fill the little cubbies within the desk. Some mail, headphones, a sparkly green and a shiny red bow, a pack of markers, a pouch of tobacco with rolling papers. A small jar of what looks to be some really nice-looking marijuana. Chinese relaxation balls with yin-yangs on them. I wonder what the actual name for those is. The internet would know. Baoding balls. All these years and it took me until now to be curious enough to know what the proper name is for those.
Enough about the desk. I should get to work. I was waiting for my boss to get here, to give me some direction. She told me last night she would be here. "Whether you know it or not," I remember her saying. I wasn't sure what she meant by that when she said it. And I'm not sure I know what she means now. "Whether you know it or not. Whether you know it or not. Whether you know it or not." Keeps repeating in my head. It kind of feels like someone is here with me. I came in the front door of the house. No other cars were in the driveway. There's an RV parked off to the side, but it didn't look like anyone was staying in it. It would be a little cold at this time of year to live in it without it being plugged in with the heater going.

I figured someone would be here by now. It's 9:33. I take the last sip of coffee. I use a fingernail to push back my cuticles as I sit and think about what I should do. She gave me very specific instructions last night. The address, so my phone would know how to get me here. The passcode for the entry gate at the bottom of the driveway. Park in front of the chain link fence. The fence gate is open and the door will be unlocked. Just walk in. Make yourself at home. The room to the right of the living room, the one with the big wood desk will be your office, she told me. I could keep my things in there, and that's where I'll be working. She said, "You'll have everything you need." Her words were confident and comforting. But now those words are confusing. I'll have everything I need. I'll have everything I need. Except for something to do. How am I supposed to know what she wants me to do? You would think if you hire someone to work for you, you would be there to greet your new employee on their first day. And maybe give them some work to do.
Maybe something happened to her. Maybe she was in a car accident on her way here. Or last night on her way home. Or maybe there was some sort of emergency with her family. Maybe she is sick. She might have overslept and will be here soon. I can't even send her a text. I don't have her phone number. I should have gotten it last night. I didn't think I'd need to call her between last night and this morning.
This all happened so suddenly. I met her last night. I went out to get some dinner, something pushed me out of the house. I felt fine physically, it was my mind that wasn't feeling well. My body dragged my mind to one of my favorite restaurants. I felt better as soon as I got there. I don't like being alone. Sometimes I go places and don't even talk to anyone. It just feels better to be near people.
Where is she? It's after 10am. I better be getting paid for this. She seemed so put together last night. Now I'm wondering why I even got myself into this. I've been looking for a job. I got one, and I'm not sure I want it. Should I just go home? Act like nothing happened last night? I'm not even really sure what happened last night. It would be really nice if she showed up soon. Just to clarify a few things. She said she had a lot of work for me to do. And that I reminded her of her son. She seemed so wise last night. I reconsider our conversation this morning, and now she just seems old. Like a pickle in a jar hiding in the back of the fridge. I tell myself to wait around, at least until lunch.