How you see me

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Is this really how you see me?

A laugh, a smile, a bright light, a strong character?

You ask me why I'm quiet and my answer is a shrug.

Why I'm quiet is because, just because. 

Nobody takes me seriously.

Yeah I like to joke around and have a laugh.

But there's a side to me where there's only a handful knows.

Nobody knows the struggle it is not to cry in front of someone who will yell and make fun of you even if you shed a tear.

You don't know how it feels like for someone scream in your face because your crying.

And it only makes it worse.

You don't know how hard it is to keep all emotions in because your not allowed to express them for the fear of blowing up.

You don't know how it feels to have someone tell you that it's all your fault this or that happened.

If you wouldn't have done this, if you wouldn't have said that.

Finding someone who knows or even cares is rare.

That person must be special then.

Being unable to express myself is probably something that will damage me for the rest of my life.

It might get me in trouble someday.

I don't cry at weddings or funerals because I'm afraid that someone is going to look, and start to laugh and yell in my face.

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