So in my last post I barely recognized my two closet family members who died two months apart from each other, and holy shit did I not want to go school or anything. I literally broke down in math class because I though of my nanny. Then my Aunt died in a car crash and I was completely out of order, like I literally wanted to curl in on myself and block everything out. It was a rough time for me and other family members, but kinda more for me as I literally wanted to spend as much time with them as possible. When I got the news of the car crash, I was laying in bed. My dad came in sniffling and I asked what was wrong. That was when he said that my aunt was found in a car crash, dead. And I looked at him and completely wailed as I clung on to him. The same as I did when I found out my Nanny died of old age. god fucking danmit! IF I WASN'T SO GOD DANM BUSY ON THIS FUCKING WRETCHED PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY THEN I WOULD OF HUNG OUT WITH THEM MORE. I'm not okay when someone brings this up and jokes around with it because I was planning to tell them both how I was doing in school. How much I wanted to see the smiles on their faces again. My cousin wrote something for our Aunt who died in the car crash and I sobbed in the middle of class and hugged her. I was basically a hurricane of emotions.
I didn't want to go to school, I was to tired and move. I never wanted to wake up. Then I was remembered about the two lab puppies I had when I was a kid, they both were ran over some time after my birthday.
Now I just like to think that they are looking down at me and smiling for all the successes I have made. I was my nanny's favorite one out of the three. I was the young one who would always layer on the two older brothers.
I
I just wanna be that small kid again.
Looking up into their eyes with bright excitement.
I wanna be with them again.
I miss them all.
