I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You

Chapter3.2: The Daily Lives Of The Hilariously Retarded Siblings

007

I told Guan Chao that I felt that Mr. F had changed.

"How so?"

"When I was young, he was extremely good to me - he helped me copy my homework, brought me cake, when I fell asleep in class he helped me not to get caught by the teacher, and whenever I got bullied he would always be the first to stand up for me. But now, he just thinks of new ways everyday to bully me, tease me, and use his high IQ to oppress me! I'm not as smart as him, so I can't win any arguments, and I don't even earn as much as him. Even if he brings a young and beautiful lady home, I won't be able to outfox her and can only pack my luggage and come back to mum's home."

Guan Chao interrupted me, "That would never happen."

"Don't comfort me, the current situation is very severe."

"What I meant was, mum and I would never agree to keep you."

I was so angry I went to tattle to my mother, and confirmed whether Guan Chao was truly my real brother, and that I wasn't a baby that was given for free when she was topping up her pre-paid mobile card?

My mother thought about it extremely seriously, and said, "Your situation... is actually more akin to buy one get one free."

008

I was quarrelling with Mr. F - although I forgot what we were quarreling about at that point in time - and I confided in Guan Chao.

He was delighting in my misery at the other end of the phone, "I told you not to get married so early, but you insisted! If you two had broken up before marriage, you would still have been a cute and innocent young lady who just experienced a break up; but if you two break up now, you'd just be an old divorced woman."

I was so scared I immediately returned home and made up with Mr. F.

Guan Chao was extremely proud of himself, claiming that he had special techniques and powers.

009

When I was in Primary School, the Water Margin Heroes cards were the rage. People born in 1990 ought to remember this, because everybody was collecting these cards. At that time, Guan Chao and I both didn't have much allowance. However, Guan Chao's memory was incredible - it was as though he could memorize something at first glance - as such, having read The Water Margin once, he was able to retell the story to the students in school the very next day. For every story that he told, he managed to obtain a Water Margin Hero card in exchange, until he gradually assembled the whole set of 108 cards.

Subsequently, I found this set of cards under my bed. I gave a call to Guan Chao, and Guan Chao sighed, reminiscing that the cards were a huge part of his childhood.

Guan Chao: "Do you know why I did what I did then?"

Me: "Wasn't it because you wanted to showcase your shocking memory skills?"

"No, it wasn't. Do you remember at that time you liked Lin Chong, but in our entire class only Cheng Jia Jia had that card? Even though you asked her to let you take one glance at the card, she adamantly refused and asked you to purchase your own card. I was quite upset, but I had no money, so I could only resort to this method."