levi x reader | agape

Levi x Sucidal! reader (❀)

WARNING; there is quite a few self harm scenes in this chapter. If you're uncomfortable with that please skip this chapter because I don't want to accidentally offend anyone :"( It is not my intention to do so, now don't say i didn't warn you !!

(F/N)'s pov

Blood trickled down my arm, slowly reaching the palms of my hands. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and falling down my cheek like a broken string of pearls. I had done it again. I'm so pathetic. I heard the clank of the razor falling on to the floor, blood pooled around the floor and stained my uniform

They're all dead..and it's all my fault

I felt my body curl up into a tight ball as i wrapped my hands around my legs and resting my head on my knees. I felt myself drift off to the fine confines of my sleep, the only place where the pain couldn't reach me.

I woke up the next morning, greeted by the stinging pain throughout my arm. I hissed as I removed my arm from my leg, knowing that the blood had dried up. Making my way to the bathroom, I mercilessly poured water on my wounds, they burned, real bad. I winced at the excruciating pain traveling down my arm.

I deserved this, it was my fault...

I tapped the wounds that I inflicted on myself with a towel, before changing into a clean set of uniform. Once the clothes came into contact with the torn skin, the painful sensation came back. My free arm immediately flew and clutched the injured arm, my breathing becoming erratic.

It's all my fault...

Taking a deep breath, I released my arm and walked out of my room. Making my way to the cafeteria. Everything was a blur, the people, my surrounding and my own emotions. I was trying very hard not to show any signs of weakness, at a time like this I had to do my best to stay strong, just like the corporal...

After grabbing a simple meal, I had to report for combat training. how great.

[Timeskip]

I arrived at the combat field, taking a deep breath before reporting to my designated area.

Upon reaching, my eyes met with the cold grey stare belonging to the corporal, who was standing on a platform observing everything. Instinctively, I looked away. His gaze burned into my back, I brushed it away when I when I was told that Eren would be my opponent. I smiled, knowing that I could take on Eren.

We both got in to our battle stance. Eren being the amateur he is, decided to strike first. I blocked it with my right arm, searing pain shot through it. Damn it I forgot about that.

Taken aback by the unexpected pain made me jump a step back, much to Eren's surprise.

"Am I really that strong?" he asked with a smirk on his face. Rolling my eyes, I re-entered into my battle stance. Catching him off guard by dashing over to his right made his loose his balance slightly. I took this opportunity to snake around behind him and lock him in place. With one quick hit to his neck, he was out cold.

This seemed to have caught the attention of the people surrounding us. As Eren got carried away, the crowd got bigger.

"I heard that she took eren out with a single hit."
"wow it's amazing how strong she is."
"That's what Eren gets for pissing a girl off."

I looked around, only to meet the gaze of the corporal again. For a moment I saw his eyes laced with worry before they went back to its usual cold stare.

"I'll be your next opponent, (F/N)"

Looking slightly confused for a moment, before regaining my composure. I took a deep breath.

what a lucky day

The crowds cleared around us and they gave us enough space to spar. Some left to continue their own training while some others stayed and watched.

I turned my focus back onto the figure in front of me. The captain was already in his battle stance, I took a step back and adjusted myself. Wanting to end this fast so that I can retire to my room, I launched myself forward. My hand gaining momentum and was supposed to land a heavy hit on the corporal and knock him out. However he grabbed my arm as if it was nothing. I winced at the excruciating pain that shot through my arm, he seemed to have taken notice of this and let go of my arm.

"(F/N) in my office, NOW" He said coldly before turning and making his way there.

I stood in shock. First, he's been staring at me the entire day. Next, he challenges me to a fight but concedes immediately after it started? What on earth is going on.

Mikasa seemed to have noticed my confusion and came up to me. "Don't worry (F/N), I'm sure the corporal knows what he's doing" I smiled at her, reassuring her that I was alright.

"If he does try to pull anything, I'll mince that little man into minced meat." Her malicious aura surrounding her made me feel like I needed to get away.

I made my way to the building, walking past the rooms of the other cadets. The hallways were empty as everyone was out training, the only sound that could be heard was the tapping of my shoes. Before i knew it, I had arrived at the corporal's office. Hesitantly reaching out to knock the door, after a few knocks with no reply, I decided to invite myself in.

I took a quick glance around his room, the evident smell of tea wafting through the air. Still thinking of the possible reasons the corporal has to call me here, but I didn't have to think for long when I heard the door clicked open. I turned around, my gaze landing on the figure that stood by the door.

"Captain" I said giving him a salute, eyeing the first aid kit that he was holding in his hands

"Show me your arm" he said coldly

"Pardon me?" I asked in shocked, there's no way he could have known. I placed my left hand on my right arm and took a few steps back. There is no way he could have found out.

Taking notice of my defying movements, he took a few steps forward and grabbed my arm. I winced at his harsh actions, he continued by pulling my sleeves upwards, revealing all the hideous scars I had inflicted on myself. I looked up at his face but his gaze stayed on my arm.

"Why did you do this?" he asked, voice still monotonous

I felt tears well up in my eyes, losing all strength from my legs, I fell straight to the floor. Thankfully enough, the captain caught me, his hand still careful holding my arm. Before I knew it, my tears started falling down my face.

"Honestly" He said before bringing me into his warm embrace. We stayed that way for awhile till I began to regulate my breathing. After our our passionate moment, the captain began to dress my wounds, the pain was excruciating. Tears continued to fall as he comforted me in a soft voice, saying that everything was going to be fine. Once the wound was fully bandaged, he ran his fingers over it. He looked straight into my watery eyes, before saying "There's no reason for you to go through this alone."

I ran my fingers over my bandage, occasionally caressing his. It took me awhile before I finally chocked out

"It's..It's my fault...my fault that they're.... dead"

Noticing what I've said, I began to weep. I felt a pair of strong arms engulfing me in its warmth yet again. Fingers running through my hair and down my back. I felt Levi resting his head in the crook of my neck, this action calmed me down significantly. Trying to calm the pounding in my heart and my erratic breathing, I heard him say...

"It is not your fault"

I finally felt at peace with myself.

CUT CUT CUT~
HOLY that took way longer than I expected, I'm so sorry for the shitty ending because this incompetent brain of mine can't seem to come up with anything else. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll update the next as soon as I can :)

- hideyoshi_san