A Newsie Story

Chapter 32

Actually getting out of bed the next day and working seems insane. I feel like if I don't work then Mo will find me and.... Hurt me. When did him and I get to this point? Why in the world does he have to harm me like this?

I guess I was just blind from the beginning. That I let silly emotions get in the way when dealing with a man: a not very good man. What is it that our mothers tell us girls? That men only want one thing? Morris Delaney only wanted one thing and he got it...twice.

My bed is empty when I wake up because my boys don't want to be anywhere near me. I put on my clothes in silence, a tear escaping every once in a while.

Davey and Race are in the living room just talking over everything. I never told them what exactly happened yesterday, but they get the picture. I walk into the room, prepared to be as strong as I can handle.

"Am I a whore," I ask staring at them searchingly.

They glance at each other shocked. I've actually surprised them. They don't say a word before I tell them exactly what Morris said to me. Painful word by painful word.

I explain everything that occurred. Everything that has been running through my head since yesterday. I only have six days left now and I don't know if I can wait that long. Morris was a distraction from Davey and Race. He was a guy who could prove if they had any sort of affection for me at all. In the end I just destroyed them both even more. It all worked too well. Davey suffers from depression almost every day and my beautiful Race hates me with all of his heart

After I finish Race just looks at me," I am real sorry for what he said to ya. You ain't a whore. You'se neva will be. But I jus don' know how much I can take anymoah of you'se breakin my heart."

Without another word he gets up and leaves. Race can barely be in the same room anymore before he just can't stand me any longer. Davey looks at me carefully, but looks like he is as done as Race is.

"Olivia, I used ta think you'se was the most beautiful girl in the world. Now, I'm not so sure. You'se've hurt me... Bad. Real bad. I don' know if I can wait aroun for ya anymoah. I know bad bad things have happened in ya life. I could've been a real good thing though," he finishes walking out of the apartment.

I walk around the apartment with an empty feeling in my gut. All three hate me and I do not blame them. I only blame Morris a little, because he ended up just like George and I blame myself even more for that.

I pull on the locket with the letter from Davey and Race inside. It gives me almost no comfort today. I am a dead woman walking, but not from the deadline of my uncle, from the mistakes I've made.

I leave the house in silence. The Irish man and his baby smile at me, but I have no smiles at the moment. I'm fresh out. I walk through Manhattan, fearful of nothing. My cap is on my head and I swear if someone tries to mess with me today I will soak them within an inch of their life.

When I get to the newsstand I buy 20 papes since I know I don't look too inviting today. Morris looks at me and he doesn't seem to hate me at all. I swear I can see love in his eyes for a moment before he turns it into a horrendous scowl.

He never loved me..

HE NEVER LOVED ME

And I need to accept that and move on. What will love matter when my uncle is slitting my throat or shooting me. He has so many possibilities of murdering me. Any of them would feel better than today.

I go throughout the day as a zombie. I eat a few bites of soup at lunch from a soup kitchen and then keep attempting to sell papes. It doesn't go well at all. I sell 12 the entire day. I steer clear of all other newsies during the day. When I get home, I come home to an empty apartment. It stays empty for almost all evening.

I cook myself an egg for dinner. After it is done I eat it while trying to read. Reading doesn't feel so good anymore. Nothing feels good. My life is already over and for my two boys it would be better if I was dead.

Davey and Race get home late at night, after I am already in bed. I pretend to be asleep when they come in to check on me.

Race says quietly, "She will be screamin all night from those nightmares. But I jus can' be neah her right now..."

Davey replies that he can sleep on the floor in my room tonight and that Race can sleep in the living room.

I really do fall asleep after that. I can't bare to speak with Davey so it works out for the better.

I don't have a single dream that night. My head is as empty as my heart.

*I AM SO INCREDIBLY SORRY! I INTEND TO FINISH THIS STORY ONCE AND FOR ALL!*