I spent the next couple of days cooped up in the hotel room. I had no intentions of going out because I knew that word tended to travel fast. I was sure that everyone knew of what happened between me and Dallas – that our relationship was just a joke.
Gosh, I felt humiliated. Those six months I spent with him felt real to me. I was happy – I was very happy – to be with him and I didn't hide that. I didn't even dare to hide it. I made sure to show how wonderful Dallas was. He spent those six months leading me on, hoping to get into my pants, so that he can prove a point and drop me. Now, everybody was probably laughing at me. How pathetic. I was just blinded.
"Aubrey?" Amber's worried voice cut me off.
I blinked and looked at her. They had just come in.
"We brought you breakfast," Tymon said, giving me a small smile. "I hope you like scrambled eggs and fruit salad." He handed me bag and I took it gratefully.
"Thanks," I mumbled, looking back down. "I appreciate it."
They sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at me, trying to find words to say. I had ended up telling them all about what happened the night I found out about it. Amber was angry. She was furious. Tymon was, too.
"If it makes you feel better," Tymon began, reaching out to hold my hand. "I managed to steal one of their credit cards. I cut it in half."
I gave him a small smile. "I guess that makes me feel a little bit better."
I guess it didn't. My smile faltered and I blinked back hot tears. Amber sensed this and sat down next to me, wrapping her arm around me. My head rested on her shoulder and I reached up and wiped the tears away. I didn't want to cry. I didn't need to cry. He didn't deserve any of it. But when I usually thought about what he did and how he played me, I couldn't help but break.
"He's a jerk," Amber said. "He's a huge butt and I'll make sure he knows this. You didn't deserve any of this, Aubrey. He didn't deserve you. We're not sugarcoating any of this. We grew up together and we know that you're a wonderful human being."
Tymon scooted closer to me. "I know that what you felt for him was real but he didn't deserve your love and kindness. You were an amazing person to him and he turned out to be an egotistical butt-face. He's not worthy of anything and I hope he knows this. You are the kindest person I've ever met. You give and you love and care. You're always smiling and laughing and just by that you can make someone feel much better. You're clumsy and awkward but that's what makes you funny, too."
"It was his loss," Amber said, crossing her arms. She shot Tymon a smile and nodded. "He lost someone and I hope he lives to regret it."
I managed to shoot them a smile. "Thanks. Thank you." They hugged me and I hugged them back gratefully. I was very lucky to have supportive friends.
There was a knock on the door. Amber stood up from the bed.
"Please check who it is first," I said.
Nodding, Amber made her way to the door and checked through the peephole. She turned towards me. "It's Catherine and Dylan."
Sighing, I rubbed my forehead, my stomach clenching. I didn't want to face either of them. I didn't want pity. I just wanted to be left alone for a while. I wondered if they knew.
"Don't worry," Tymon whispered. "Catherine asked about your date and we just informed her that you guys decided to break it off. We didn't...we didn't say anything else. I'm just not sure about Dylan."
I nodded back and mouthed, "Thank you."
Amber opened the door and Catherine entered. Dylan emerged a second later. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the doorway. His eyes caught mine and I quickly looked away.
"Hey," Catherine said, giving me a small smile. "Dylan and I were just wondering if you guys would like to go out with us. We're going to have lunch."
Amber and Tymon glanced at each other and then at me.
"You guys go," I whispered. "I'm just not feeling it."
"No," Tymon whispered back. "We'll stay with you. We'll order some food and watch some good movies—"
I put a hand on his shoulder. "No. Please. I just...I just want to be left alone. You guys go. Please."
Tymon looked at me with hesitance but eventually nodded and stood up. Amber shot me one last glance, giving me a smile.
Catherine shifted uncomfortable. "Do you...do you want to join, Aubrey?"
"No," I said, shaking my head. "I'm tired. But thank you for the invitation."
Please go now.
Amber and Tymon exited the room. Catherine nodded and turned, walking away. She stopped at the doorway and put a hand on Dylan's arm. He looked at her and it was as though they were communicating but without speaking. I looked down on my lap, my hands gripping the bag of food. I looked back up and Catherine was gone. But Dylan was still standing at the doorway, his hands still in his pockets. His hair was curlier and his eyes looked tired, as if he'd been thinking a lot. I swallowed.
"Are you—" Dylan began but he stopped and swallowed, licking his lips. "—are you—" But he couldn't form words. He stared at me and licked his lips again. I didn't make a move to ask. I didn't want to. Dylan looked down and moments later, he turned away, his hand on his doorknob. He craned his neck but he quickly turned back, shaking his head, and left, the door closing behind him.
Silence enveloped the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I took out the food Amber and Tymon brought me and quietly ate. When I was done, I cleaned up and took a shower. I did everything to distract me. I didn't want to think about it. But I did. I thought about it when I ate, when I cleaned, when I showered, when I watched some television. It was engraved into my brain, leaving a permanent memory I longed to get rid of.
It became too much for me. The room was suffocating me and I needed to get out of here. It had been hours since Amber and Tymon left. I got up and slipped on a jacket. Leaving the hotel seemed to be the hardest part for me. I didn't want to bump into anyone – especially not Dallas and the wicked witch of the West. So, I kept my head down and walked with a fast pace. Before I knew it, I was out of the hotel. I had the sudden urge to run back to my room and sleep. But, I had to get out of there. One more minute in there and I would have blown up.
I put my hands into the pockets of the jacket and walked until the hotel was out of sight and I could breathe again. I wanted to be away from that building – away from everyone. I remembered Dylan and I climbing a building here in New York. Before I knew it, I was ascending the stairs to the roof of that very building.
I breathed out a sigh of relief once I reached. I exhaled and walked over to the ledge, sitting down. A cold breeze hit me and I shivered. I kept my hands in pockets and let my mind race.
Why did this happen to me?
It was true. Looks can be deceiving. I fell for Dallas – I fell for everything he was constructed of. To me, he was this sweet and intelligent guy. He was incredibly nice to me and I was such an idiot. Who could blame me, though? I had liked the guy for as long as I could remember. But was that who Dallas really was? He was pathetic. He was a sore loser who couldn't stand the thought of having his ego threatened. I was even more pathetic and I hated myself for letting him deceive me like that. All those kisses we shared; they meant nothing to him but to me, they meant everything. They felt real to me. Key word: felt. Unfortunately, they weren't.
I clenched my teeth as tears welled up in my eyes.
"Don't cry," I whispered. "Don't cry."
My phone buzzed. I sniffed and took it out. It was from Amber and Tymon.
Trish:
Aubrey where r u?
Trish:
please answer we're worried about u
Tymon:
Aubrey please tell us you're okay. Call us or text us. Where are you?
I texted them back, reassuring them that I was fine and that I was just walking around. I put my phone back in my pocket. That seemed to do the trick. My phone remained silent. Not for long, however. A couple of minutes later, my phone buzzed again and I took it out, heaving a sigh.
My breath hitched when I saw who texted me.
Dylan:
where are you?
I held the phone in my hands, contemplating whether or not I should answer. With shaky fingers, I texted him back: I'm fine. It didn't take him long to text me back.
Dylan:
but that wasn't my question. where are you?
I swallowed and began typing.
Me:
Why do you need to know?
Dylan:
please just tell me where you are.
Biting down on my lip, I found myself texting him the location. When I was finished, I tucked my phone into my pocket and got off the ledge, standing up. I gripped the edge tightly and I shut my eyes. My head was pounding. I felt weary and tired. I didn't even know what to tell my parents. If my dad found out about what Dallas had done to me, he would kill him. Well, not literally.
That was the bad feeling. My mind – all of me – sensed that something was wrong. It was Dallas that kept giving me that feeling of dread. But I didn't dare confront it. I convinced myself I was just being paranoid because I loved being with Dallas. I refused to believe he could be doing something wrong.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. I felt like I was being choked.
"Aubrey?"
I froze, my heart hammering in my chest. My eyes slightly widened. This was the second time Dylan called me by actual name. It felt weird. What drove him to do so? What drove him to call me by my actual name?
I turned around. Dylan stared at me with confusing eyes. I swallowed. I clenched my hands and bit back tears. But I couldn't. They fell and I hated it. Dylan's jaw slackened and he walked up to me, his eyes swarming. Before I could say anything, he grabbed me and pulled me towards him. My hands immediately clung to his shirt. His arms wrapped around me, one around my shoulders, the other in my hair.
We stayed like that for a while. I felt comfortable and warm. I felt safe and okay. Eventually, my grip on his shirt loosened and we pulled away.
"Do you...do you want to sit down and talk?" he asked.
I bit my lip and nodded. We sat down on the ground and I pulled my knees to my chest. I looked at Dylan.
"Don't you...don't you know what happened?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No."
"I thought gossip tended to travel around fast," I muttered.
"I choose to stay away from that," he said. "What happened?"
I clenched my teeth and shut my eyes tightly. Did I want to talk about it again? I felt bottled up. I was suffocating.
"Listen," Dylan began. His voice was soft. "I'm not going to pressure you to tell me what happened. You're...you're not obliged. But...but you were always there to listen to my problems." He stopped and swallowed. "And...and I want to be here to listen to yours. I'm...I'm here."
I stared at him with wide eyes and I shot him a small smile. I felt my heart warming. I looked away and sighed, biting down on lip.
"He...the relationship," I began. My jaw slackened and I closed my eyes for a brief moment. "It was a joke. The whole relationship was a joke."
"What do you...what do you mean?" he asked.
I looked at him. "You know that bad feeling I kept getting? It wasn't me being paranoid. I was right about it. Abby and Dallas were always around each other, talking in hushed voices. I asked him about it. He explained and it turned out to be a lie. The plan they kept talking about...it was about me. It was just a joke. When I went to meet him at a restaurant, he was with Abby and they were talking. Abby said that all Dallas needed to do was lead me on for some months, get into my head, and then it would be over. It was just about his self-esteem. You...you were mentioned. Dallas...he was threatened by you. He wanted to prove that he could score any one he wants. When you came to our school, I was...I hung around you. Dallas and Abby didn't like it, I guess. I don't know." I stopped and sniffed. "I was just a joke. I'm just a joke."
Dylan stayed silent. I noticed how his eyes slightly widened and how his jaw clenched and how was his hands balled up into tight fists.
"I guess we both got screwed over by our first loves or whatever you call them," he said.
He was right.
"Hey," Dylan softly spoke. I looked at him and he swallowed, reaching over to wipe away a few tears that fell. His hand lingered for a few seconds, his thumb wiping away the loose tears. "You're...you're not a joke. He's an idiot. But it gets better."
I gave him a small smile. "Catherine really is making you happy, huh?"
He looked at me and swallowed, nodding. "Yeah. You won't be stuck in this situation forever."
A thought struck me.
"Why'd you and Dallas fight?" I asked. "You know...a couple of months ago..."
Dylan sighed and looked ahead. "He made a comment about how I had probably already hooked up with all of the girls at our school and how my mother was probably disappointed. The next thing I know, we were fighting."
I winced and sighed. "I'm sorry about that."
"Maybe I should have told you about how much of an jerk he is before you two continued to date."
"No," I said, looking at him. "It's not your fault."
We sat in silence for a while.
"Thank you," I said, turning to look at him again. He locked eyes with me. "Thank you for listening."
He gave me a small smile. "You'll be okay."
I returned the smile. "You will, too."
