I couldn't quite explain how I felt.
It was this combination of shock, confusion, and frustration. It was sure to drive someone crazy and I know that I was so close to blowing up. Do you ever feel like you just no longer know what was happening around you? I sure did. You just sit back and try to look for answers, only to end up failing.
It was a never-ending cycle of stress.
"Aubrey?"
I blinked. I had been lost in my own thoughts, my eyes opened. I turned to look at Amber. "Mhm?"
Amber folded her arms. "Are you okay?"
I swallowed. "Fine. Why do you ask?"
She sighed and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I stared at her, biting down on my lip. "Because you've been acting weird. Don't get me wrong, I know that you're upset, but I know that the way you have been acting has been different. You look...off. Did something happen?"
I shook my head. "No."
She raised an eyebrow. "I don't believe that. You can't lie to me, Aubrey Dawson!"
Tymon folded his arms. "Amber is right, Aubrey. You look really spooked."
I swallowed and looked away. Sighing, I stood up and began to fiddle with my fingers. "You're right," I said. "Something did happen."
Amber's eyes widened. "I knew it! What did he do? What did that jerk do? I'm going to kick his butt!"
I frowned. "What are you talking about?"
She frowned back, looking confused. "Dallas."
"What? No, he had nothing to do with anything," I explained.
"So, why have you been so...weird?" Tymon asked. "Your eyes are always wide and you're pale...paler than usual. You always look deep in thought."
I sighed. "Well, it wasn't Dallas."
"So, what happened?" Amber asked, eyeing me. "You know you can tell us anything, Aubrey."
"Exactly," Tymon said, reaching for his water bottle.
It was him.
It was everything about him.
He made me feel the way I felt. I wanted to tear him apart because I was feeling so many other emotions besides confusion, shock, and frustration. I don't know what I wanted to do with him.
"He kissed me."
Amber and Tymon stared at me with confusion for a couple of moments.
Amber cleared her throat. "Who kissed you?"
I swallowed. My heart was unusually beating fast. "It was...it was Dylan."
As soon as the words escaped my lips, Tymon began to choke on his water and Amber shrieked, her face struck with shock.
"What...what the heck?" she exclaimed. "WHAT THE HECK?"
I swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."
"Woah," Amber mumbled, her eyes wide.
Tymon looked at me. "You and...Dylan. You and Dylan?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"As in, you and Dylan?"
I frowned. "No. No, no. There's...there's nothing going on between us. Goodness, Dylan and I are just friends. I don't...I don't know what drove him to kiss me." I bit my lip. "Or what drove me to kiss him back."
But that wasn't the entire truth. He was driving me crazy.
"I'm going to faint," Trish said, placing a hand on her forehead. She took a deep breath. "How did it happen?"
"Right after I left the dining hall," I replied, looking down at my hands. "He came out of the elevator and kissed me."
"How do you feel about it?" Tymon asked.
I shrugged. "I don't feel anything." I felt a lot of things. They glanced at each other and then at me. I sighed. "Please don't say anything. Don't bring it up. Please."
"But you need to talk to him!" Amber said, making gestures.
"I know," I said. "But don't interfere. I'll talk to him when I can."
Before they could say anything else, there came a knock on the door. Tymon opened it and Anna entered.
"Guys," she said. "The busses have arrived. We can't be late to the airport."
"Okay," Amber said, grabbing her bags. She sighed and glanced around the room. "Goodbye, New York."
I felt happy that we were finally leaving the state. It was beautiful but I ended up spending half of it completely out of my mind. I spent it thinking about the brown-haired boy with warm eyes and a cold heart. Then, I spent it thinking about the troubled, black-haired boy who kissed me and I no longer knew what to do.
The way he kissed me.
The way it made me feel.
I was angry with him. I wasn't supposed to be thinking about the way he kissed me and how it made me feel. I wasn't supposed to be replaying that moment over and over in my head like a broken record. It wasn't supposed to happen. But another part of me just wanted to be by his side because you know, everything was at peace when we were around each other.
I sighed and looked at the room. "Goodbye, New York. It has been a pleasure."
I kept my head down when we left the room and I still kept it down when we reached the lobby. Students were bustling around while the teacher was writing things down on a clipboard. She looked at us and then back down.
I scanned the lobby and ignored the stares some of them were giving me. Leaving New York made me happy. But what made me happier was that I had two weeks off because of Easter vacation. I get to spend two weeks away from all of these people who had nothing better to do than to stare at me and whisper to one another.
I looked away from my Abby's group and my eyes averted to the elevators. They opened and before I could look away, Dylan emerged. My breath hitched. He looked anything but calm. It wasn't his face or the way he walked. What he was portraying looked like the usual: bitter and estranged. But I had come to know him. His hair was tousled and his eyes were weary.
His head lifted up and his eyes immediately locked with mine. I froze, my body going still. His eyes widened. I wanted to look away but I couldn't. I couldn't help but stare at him. My heart was beating so loudly I was scared people could hear. All my mind could do was replay that moment we shared and all I wanted for it was to be gone from my memory.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to have the courage to walk up to him, to talk to him, to ask him. But I couldn't. I didn't have the courage. That and Catherine walked up to him and hugged him.
I swallowed and quickly looked away. I tried to act cool. That was what all people usually did. But I was okay, wasn't it? I smiled to myself. She made him happy. They weren't even dating but she made him happy. That was what Dylan needed: happiness.
But I wasn't happy.
"All right, grab your things and get on the bus!" the teacher yelled.
Dallas' eyes met mine and I gave him a blank, straight look. There were no more tears. Just emptiness.
"Come on," Amber said. "It's time to go."
"Indeed it is."
I longed for the safety and privacy of my own room. I longed for answers.
